


Paramount Presents: Peter Parker's Points

by MysticMoonhigh



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol, Angst, Blowjobs, Bottom!Wade, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Hurt and comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Jokes, M/M, Pining, Smut, TV host! AU, alcohol consumption, lots of pining, my spidey is the comic spidey, scarred!wade, sexual situations involving alcohol consumption, top!Peter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-11 22:46:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 21,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysticMoonhigh/pseuds/MysticMoonhigh
Summary: Peter is a talkshow host. Wade is his head writer. When the internet thinks they're in a relationship, it boosts ratings beyond their wildest dreams. But when the curtains close and they're all alone, what do they really feel? Might there be some truth to the rumors?





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Hey there! This is my spideypool big bang (six days late because I am an idiot and forgot to update after a last-minute trip to see my long-distance boyfriend).  
> To follow the blog releasing the OTHER spideypool big bangs, you should see them [ at spideypoolfanfic ](http://spideypoolfanfic.tumblr.com/)  
> You can follow me [ at mysticmoonhigh ](www.mysticmoonhigh.tumblr.com)  
> And you can follow the artist [at glithchdraws](https://glithchdraws.tumblr.com/)

            I.

            “Today we’re going to talk about everyone’s favorite hot topic: Fracking.”

            Peter gave a short pause to let that sink in before continuing.

            “I know what you’re thinking. ‘I already know plenty about that’. But no, that’s not what you and your girlfriend did on the couch last Sunday. Shut up, Greg. Even if that was what I was talking about, your girlfriend would probably agree that you _could_ use a crash course.”

            Peter paused to let people laugh again before quickly adding, “If you’re still doing it on the couch _at all_ you need a crash course. Treat her like a lady and have sex on the floor like everyone else, Greg. That’s what people want. You ate Cheetos on that couch an hour ago, offer a change of scenery.”

            He got back to the topic. “Merrium-Webster defines fracking as “the injection of fluid into shale beds at high pressure in order to free up petroleum resources such as oil or natural gas” which, when you think about it, sounds like we’re giving mother nature the most invasive enema ever.”

            Another small pause, of course. He could hear Wade’s booming laughter from the side, and he tried not to smile. Damn it, they needed to finish this rehearsal already. The actual show was tomorrow and Peter felt woefully unprepared.

            “Now mother nature, in return, gives us important natural resources, keeping gas prices down and offering slightly greener energy than coal provides. However, there are quite a few problems with fracking as a whole. Sort of like the entire concept of high school sex ed. In theory it sounds great, but in practice, it can get messy fast.”

            “Because according to a study done by Yale, some of the chemicals they add to this fracking water have potentially carcinogenic effects, and the contaminated water can leak into and mingle with groundwater that towns depend upon for drinking and bathing. And if I’m going to get cancer from drinking, it had better be from something a lot more fun to drink than water.”

            He continued with his segment- going through both the positive and the negative effects of fracking, citing and sourcing along the way. Occasionally he would hear Wade’s laugh and briefly lose his train of thought, or forget what the next line was. He got through it alright.

            “So,” He concluded, looking deeply into the camera, “While fracking does have some benefits, we need to be careful that we don’t frack up mother nature in the process.”

            The director yelled a resounding ‘cut!’ and Peter sunk down in his seat, relief flooding through him. He’d made it through rehearsal. That was about as flawless as it got as far as practice rounds went, and he was ready to go home.

            He had a cup of hot chocolate calling his name.

            Wade made it to his desk before he could even get up. Peter’s eyes were closed and he tried to resist the temptation to open them, but he knew he wouldn’t deter Wade any. He was too intent on annoying Peter, whether or not Peter pretended to be asleep.

Wade had been one of his head writers for about a year now and he never failed to make Peter’s jaw drop and his sides ache from laughter with his outlandish suggestions. Their relationship was one of constant teasing and prodding and Peter had gotten used to Wade’s particular form of aggressive banter and determination.

He liked him. He liked him an awful lot.

            “Okay, so I have something to run by you.” Wade proposed, putting his hands delicately on the table. Peter cracked one eye open to see his grinning face.

            “Shoot.”

            “Exactly.” Wade responded. Before Peter even had time to turn that into a dick joke or wonder what it meant, he continued, “We’ve had a lot of politics lately, so let’s do a special report on which water guns have the best bang for your buck. Pun intended. As much as I love talking about the hard-hitting facts, sometimes you just want a guy to spew liquid onto you. This is, of course, in no way an excuse to see you in nothing but swim trunks. Scout’s honor.”

            “Right,” Peter said, catching on quickly. “I suppose this also has nothing to do with using the show’s funds to purchase multiple weapons of war, as well.”

            “Are you kidding me? Of course not. I’ve got all the guns I need right here.” Wade raised an arm and flexed, showing off an admittedly impressive bulge of muscle. Peter tried to stop himself from drooling all over his suit.

            He’d come to terms with the fact that he found Wade attractive a long time ago. But he was focused on the show, and Wade _definitely_ didn’t mean any of the flirting that he did. Besides, things were peaceful the way they were and he wouldn’t want to disturb the natural order of things.

            “Alright.” He responded, rolling his eyes. “I’ll run it by Jameson. I would definitely love to do something like that, but I’m not sure it’s possible. In this political climate, a shit-storm is always brewing and most of the time we have to cover it.”

            If they had any extra time at all, it was usually used on special reports like the one Wade had suggested. But to keep people interested they had to address hard-hitting political issues. It made Peter a little tired, sometimes. He wished they could do fun stuff more often.

            Or at least _official_ fun stuff more often. They still did little skits and news stories on their youtube channel a lot more often than upper management would like. If they found out how much time was wasted goofing off, Peter was sure Jameson would have a heart attack.

            They had the actual show written in two days out of the week. They goofed the fuck off the other three, most of the time. Definitely heart-attack material for the man who was in charge of communicating with the people who payed them.

            And if Jameson keeled over, Peter would have to write a segment covering his death. And he hated that idea almost as much as he hated the idea that he was going to be doing unending Trump stories for the next four years.

            “Yes!” Wade declared, pumping his fist in the air in celebration. Peter was amused by his candid happiness. Wade turned, having received what he wanted. As he was walking away he shouted over his shoulder, “By the way, remember that you have that interview with _The Times_ before you leave. The guy’s been in the guest room for a solid three hours.”

            Peter groaned. He _had_ forgotten about that. But Wade was right, Peter had promised this guy that he would get an interview. He’d been persistent enough, and Peter owed it to him to let him ask at least a few questions.

            After all, what was the worst that could happen?


	2. II

II.

 “Host of Popular TV Show _Peter’s Points_ Might Be in Torrid Love Affair with MALE Head Writer?”

By George Foreman

            Looking at Peter Parker, one would never expect anything other than your average, heterosexual man. A little meterosexual, sure, but nothing to raise any red flags. But, as the popular host has pointed out on multiple occasions, looks can be deceiving when it comes to the LGBT community. In my short talk with him Wednesday night, some shocking revelations were made that might make you rethink your stance on Peter’s sexuality.

            For the sake of brevity ‘G’ will stand for me, and ‘P’ will stand for Peter. The following is an unedited account of the interview that took place.

G: Peter, it’s lovely to meet you. I’ve been a fan for a while.

P: Couldn’t have been too long. The show’s only been on for a year and a half.

G: Yes, I’m aware. And it struggled during the first six months of production. In fact, there were rumors circulating that it was going to get cut from the budget. What changed?

P: Honestly, it was the new head writer. The old one would shoot down ideas so fast, it was like he was playing a video game and every one was worth extra points. He wouldn’t let us do anything risky and insisted that we had to keep it family friendly since we come on at nine o’clock. As much as I understood where he was coming from, I doubted children were going to actually watch our show. It ended up feeling really oppressive and limited what we could do significantly.

G: I can see where that would be frustrating. What about the new head writer? What does he do differently?

P: Well, he’s the exact opposite. He approves almost any idea, no matter how insane. And that little bit of insanity seemed to be just what we were looking for.

G: This is Wade Wilson, correct? He’s been in a couple of youtube videos on your channel. From what I’ve seen, he’s hilarious. I feel like the only reason he’s not hosting a show himself is because of his… er, condition.

[It should be noted at this point that Peter looked uncomfortable and defensive. He clearly didn’t like to discuss Mr. Wilson’s permanent scarring.]

P: I don’t know. Wade has nothing to be ashamed of. He’s honestly still one of the most attractive people that I know. I might be biased, though. He hits on me constantly, which tends to make you look at someone a little differently.

[This, of course, immediately perplexed me.]

G: He hits on you? So that means he’s LGBT?

P: I think that most of the people who work on the show are. We’re all a big happy family, so we love and accept each other like one should. Actually, on the family note, sometimes I feel like Wade and I are parents watching over the other writers. He’s the fun, reckless and dangerous dad, and I’m the mom that puts a stop to it before somebody gets seriously hurt.

G: So you’d describe your relationship with Wade like a marriage?

P: Well, uh… No comment.

G: I see. Well, Peter. Thank you for your time and for answering my questions. I’ll be in touch.

P: You’re welcome, any time.

            So, as you can see, there’s clearly something more going on behind the scenes. What could be brewing between these two young comedians? A devilishly delectable office romance? More on this story to come, as it unfolds.

~~~

            Peter stared in horror at the news article. There was nothing that he’d regretted in his life more than comparing himself to a mother and Wade to a father. This was making him feel dizzy. The media storm that this was about to stir up-

            Well, actually, that might be the only good thing that might come out of all of this. A media frenzy would give the show some much needed publicity, and Peter had to admit that that sounded promising. And he didn’t _mind_ the idea of coming out as bisexual; in fact, he’d already considered himself ‘out’ for a while.

            It wasn’t that he “came out” so much as he just stopped hiding it. He would talk about how attractive men were, or slip something into a conversation about his ex, Harry. The general public hadn’t really “caught on”, per se, but it was out there.

            The only part about this that bothered him was the fear that this would somehow make Wade and him awkward.

            It was mostly irrational, but he didn’t want to lose a close friend because of his silly little crush. They had teased around about liking each other for months now, but Peter didn’t think Wade realized how serious he was sometimes. Peter’s face burned hot red from embarrassment and he raised the newspaper to cover it.

            Steps echoed from across the room, getting closer and closer. The top of the newspaper was yanked out of his hands and tossed across the room as Wade immediately hopped onto the desk, putting a hand on his hip and giving Peter a smolder.

            “So. When did we officially get married? It’s a shame I wasn’t there to witness-“

            “Shut up!” Peter interrupted, mortification buzzing in his chest. He thought the feeling was akin to butterflies in your stomach, if those butterflies had knives.

            “Awww, are you embarrassed?” Wade questioned, still teasing. Peter’s ears burned, but he relaxed a little. As far as he could tell, nothing had changed between them. Wade probably hadn’t figured anything out about his little crush… yet.

            “Absolutely.” Peter admitted. “It would be super embarrassing if someone thought we were fucking.”

            “Thanks for the mental picture.” Wade responded, snidely. He gave Peter a saucy wink, and Peter rolled his eyes in return.


	3. III

III.

            Jameson slapped the newspaper down on the writing table. Almost all of the writers were glancing at each other, practically shaking in their boots. Wade, Peter, Scott Lang, Sam, Tony, Steve, Rhodey, Negasonic and Gwen looked nervously around the room. There wasn’t much that they could do in this situation but pray to the Elder Gods.

            It was a good thing Negasonic had already set up an altar for one of their skits.

            “I don’t know whose bright idea this was.” Jameson said, looking at the article. “But whoever it was, you deserve the biggest promotion you’ve ever seen in your life.”

            “In that case, it was me.” Negasonic said, flatly. Sam turned to her, frustration in his gaze.

            “For the last time, stop saying things before I have the chance to.” He said, looking liable to explode at any minute. This was an ongoing battle between them; for whatever reason, they had a ridiculous amount of similar joke ideas. It always came down to whoever could actually say it first. It was usually Negasonic, which sparked many-a accusations concerning mind-reading and/or psychic ability.

            “Wait… What?” Peter asked. He grabbed the newspaper to look at it closer, making sure that Jameson had in fact thrown down the correct one. He shook his head at the picture of him and Wade together on set, a garish red heart circling their heads. Yup, this was that article.

            “Actually,” Wade interrupted, grinning wolfishly, “It was all Peter. Straight from the mouth of the man who runs the entire operation.”

            “I do not ‘run the entire operation’.” Peter defended, glaring. “Technically, that job belongs to _you_.” He reminded him.

            “Listen,” Jameson said, rubbing his temples with his fingers, staving off a headache. Negasonic and Sam could be heard bickering in the corner.

            “-And on that note, who the fuck changes their legal name to Negasonic?”

            “You can shut your mouth before I post the pictures of you acting like a fucking furry last Halloween on the show’s instagram. _Without context._ ”

            “Can’t a man dress as a falcon in peace?”

            Jameson’s eye gave two slow twitches as he attempted in vain to collect himself. “I don’t care who came up with it at this point. All I care about it that we get some more. The marketing department thinks that posting youtube videos that imply Peter and Wade are in a relationship would bring in a wider online audience.”

            Peter’s brain ground to a halt.

“But… But…” He said, but stalled on finding an actual excuse for why this was a bad idea. All he knew was that it most definitely _was_. Wade was attractive to him. Pretending to be in a fake relationship for views would _definitely_ end up feeling real for Peter, and he wasn’t sure how much of it he could take before it morphed into something… different. He didn’t want what was between him and Wade to change.

“You don’t have to do too much, the internet will latch onto anything. But we expect the first one to be up in no less than two days. And since you regularly spend so much time goofing off on that channel anyways, we’re pretty sure that asking you to do this won’t be that big of a deal.”

And there went every argument that they could have had against it. Peter’s brain was malfunctioning. Everything was going haywire. London had fallen.

But Wade was smiling boldly, and somehow, that made everything feel just a little bit better.

“Now get to work. I want the next show drafted before this time next year.” Jameson said, turning and power-walking towards the door. He could barely stand to be around these bafoons any longer than he had to.

If running this show didn’t bring the network so much money and a shit ton of good publicity, he would have happily dropped it months ago. But the public wanted what the public wanted.

And apparently, a big part of that was Wade and Peter making out.

The door shut with a solid boom, and Peter turned to Wade tentatively. Wade had a fairly neutral expression on at this point, but Peter could tell that he was trying to hold back a huge, devastating grin. Peter couldn’t handle it. “C’mon, nothing’s gotta change. We just have to film it. Sounds kinda kinky, doesn’t it?”

Peter paused. Well, Wade was right to a certain extent. They flirted and bantered all the time, so there wasn’t much about their relationship that was going to openly change with the introduction of the media.

~~~

            Peter was such an idiot. Such a fucking horny, horny idiot. Why did he have to agree to this? And better yet, why had he let Wade convince him that letting him wear a speedo was a good idea?

            “The people will love it.” He’d said, grinning wolfishly. “And all we have to do is get a couple of made-up shots of you staring at me like a hunk of meat and we have what Jameson wanted. It’s a win-win situation. Plus, it’s bright yellow. Get it? Banana hammock.”

            “Classy.” Peter said, flatly. He didn’t allow it, per se, but he didn’t tell Wade no. And in most areas of his life, not telling Wade no was just as good as telling him yes. Because Wade Wilson did what he wanted to do, most of the time.

            Wade was stretching out his muscles, showing off his bulky body as he stood in nothing but a bright-yellow speedo. Peter had absolutely no clue how he did it when he could barely put on a pair of swim trunks without feeling self-conscious.

            This was especially impressive when you considered how often Wade talked about hating his own body, and the dirty looks he got as a burn victim. But he seemed fine being on display.

            Then again, (Peter supposed) he was already used to people staring, so why not give em a show?

            They set up the first scene that they had planned quickly. The camera was going to be focused on Rhodey talking about his favorite kind of water gun, and discussing his strategy for the war.

            But in the background, the fan fodder would lurk: Peter rubbing sunblock into the scars on Wade’s shoulder. He would slowly move his hands in small circles, and Wade’s expression would be openly blissed out. They figured that this would be more than enough to invite the rumor mill to stay awhile.

            But Peter was highly regretting agreeing to do this in the first place. Because Wade’s skin looked soft and warm and there was a bottle of sunblock in his hands and he was eighty percent certain that if Wade so much as flexed a single muscle he was gonna jizz in his own pants. And that, ladies and gentlemen, was not a classy move.

            But the lotion was in his hands, and they stood under the shade of an umbrella. He carefully squirted the sublock into his hands, feeling the sticky substance run between his fingers. He dropped the bottle to the ground and raised his hand up.

            “This can’t be the only time your hand’s been covered in white stuff ‘cause of me.” Wade teased, raising his eyebrows as he looked over his shoulder. The joking helped Peter relax.

            He pressed the cold sunscreen to Wade’s back without delay, and Wade let out a small yelp. Peter smirked as he began to dig his thumbs into Wade’s muscles, making it more like a sporting shoulder rub between two lads than a sensual massage.

            “Won’t be the last.” He responded, weakly teasing.

            That didn’t help the fact that he could feel Wade’s muscles working against his skin as Wade got into the massage. It also didn’t help that Peter could feel a hot flush go through him at the thought of Wade’s shoulder muscles shaking as Wade held himself over Peter, pounding into him recklessly.

            He chased the thought from his mind.

            Soon enough, he was done rubbing the lotion into Wade’s back. By some miracle of God, Peter had managed not to get hard even as sexual images fought for his attention, including but not limited to him leaving another, much less PG white substance all over Wade’s back.

            Wade turned around, leaning down to pick the sunblock up off the ground.

            “Here, now let me do you.” He offered. Peter’s brain supplied an incredibly unhelpful ‘gladly’, along with another image of Wade and him in a compromising position.

            “I actually don’t sunburn all that much.” He lied through his teeth, hoping that Wade would let it drop. Wade, of course, did.

            “Alright.” He said, reaching into the nearby tub of ice and grabbing his weapons of choice; two big-ass water guns, one in each hand.

            Peter chose a more subtle, easily maneuverable small gun as they headed into war.

            The battlefield could only be described as chaos. Negasonic was hurling water balloons at anyone who got in her way, some of the largest water balloons Peter had ever seen. To top it off, she seemed to have some kind of access to the coldest water Peter had ever felt in his life, causing anyone who had the unfortunate luck of getting one to the face to let out highly unmanly shrieks. The only person who avoided this all together was Gwen, who seemed to team up with Negasonic holding small blasters in both hands.

            Peter found himself the butt of Wade’s jokes more often than not, and that was a literal rather than a metaphorical statement. Wade kept spraying his ass, and only his ass, with water.

            Tony took to the bucket method; that was, carrying a bucket around everywhere and frequently dumping it on Rhodey’s head. Rhodey, who was just trying to take pictures of everyone for the Instagram, since the actual video camera they had only covered one angle. Poor, innocent Rhodey.

            It was okay, though, because he shoved Tony into the entire bucket of water balloons. He popped about half of them, and they immediately soaked him.

            Sam took the opportunity of Tony in the bucket to spray him directly with the hose, his personal weapon of choice.

            Eventually, the actual fight itself settled down a little bit. Everyone was tired of the tension of getting hit, and at the end of the day they were all friends to the end no matter what. Even if Gwen did try to twist Peter’s nipple when he got her hair wet.

            But the fun wasn’t quite over. Because Wade had brought a slip-n-slide, and everyone was more than eager to try it out.

            Peter approached the long sheet of plastic nervously, his entire body shaking with energy as he looked down it. He knew that he had to suck it up and do something at some point, but he also knew that whatever he did, he was destined to fail and flop.

            He decided to try for what he thought of as ‘the surfer’, and slide across on his feet. The grass felt cold between his toes as he ran at the long plastic as fast as he could, hitting it with his legs already wobbling. Panic streaked through him as he landed right on his ass, somehow moving backwards as he slid. He was stopped by the small, inflatable ring around the end that kept people from sliding right onto the grass.

            Peter was laughing in elation, standing up on wobbly legs.

            Wade, however, completely forgot the number one rule of the slip-n-slide; _wait until the last person has left before you go_.

            Wade came barreling towards Peter at full speed, somehow moving on his back. Peter froze, unable to move as Wade came right for him. He spread his legs at the last minute to stop Wade from crashing _straight into him_ , his wobbly legs offering a direct betrayal as they gave out from under him and sent him falling down.

            He landed directly into Wade’s lap. Wade looked startled by his sudden lap-full-of-blushing-Peter-Parker, but he recovered quicker than Peter expected.

            Wade’s arms were around Peter’s waist, bringing him closer. Peter’s own arms had naturally fallen around Wade’s neck, and they shook like jell-o as Wade brought their foreheads together.

            “That,” Wade said, glancing briefly over to the video camera still recording them, “Was pure genius.”

            A couple days later, Peter did the show on weapons of water war, and mentioned in it that there was a video of them beating the pulp out of each other on their show’s youtube channel. It got half a million hits within the first few hours of the mention.

            Half of the comments were about Peter rubbing sunblock on Wade’s skin. A lot of them were explicit requests for Peter to cover Wade in something else that was white.

            It made Peter so happy he almost didn’t notice the pain of the scathing sunburn on his back.


	4. IV

IV.

            For their next trick, they decided to do something a little bit less physical.

            Peter, looking tired, walked into the break room. They were doing an _Office_ style segment, and Peter was talking directly to the camera. He turned towards the “viewers” as he opened the door.

            “Ladies and gentlemen,” He announced, “The break room.”

            Inside, Wade was wearing a pink, frilly apron and the most atrocious pair of pink gogo boots that Peter had ever seen in his life. He had trouble not gagging just looking at them. But even he had to admit that they accented Wade’s personality well.

            Peter plopped down at the table, efficiently implying that this was a daily routine. Wade set down a piping hot plate of toaster waffles in front of him, giving his hair an affectionate ruffle. Peter knew that it was all part of the script, but that didn’t stop his face from getting red and his heart from pounding against his chest.

            The video, of course, would cut to Peter speaking in front of closed blinds. “Wade?” He asked, looking startled. “Oh, right. He makes the best breakfast. I’m sure he does it for everyone in the office.” He announced.

            The camera cut again.

            Peter left the break room, his half-eaten waffles still sitting on the table as he waved Wade a quick goodbye.

            “I’ll be back in just a second.” He said, ducking out the door. The camera would stay on Wade, and in the background through the break room window you’d see Peter pass Sam and head into the men’s restroom. Sam walked into the break room and immediately inhaled.

            “Those smell damn good.” He said, turning towards Wade. “Make me some?”

            “Um. Eat my ass?” Wade responded, dumping the rest of the toaster waffles into the trash specifically so Sam didn’t get any.

~~~

It became oh so normal for Peter and Wade to act like a couple. They’d been teasing for years. But with the camera on them, it intensified. It became a little less sexual (though still pretty sexual) and a little more lovey-dovey.

It started getting normal for Wade to fuck up and call Peter ‘honey’ or ‘baby’ or ‘2 IBS of sugar’.

Pronounced ‘ibs’, not pounds, because Wade was a smart ass even on accident.

Peter had been scared when he’d thought that things might change between them, even terrified. But him and Wade seemed more comfortable with each other than ever. Peter thought that this was the best things could have possibly turned out. There was nothing that could possibly ruin this.

~~~

            The next video was one of Negasonic giving everyone in the office tarot readings. Negasonic had been practicing for a very long time, and Gwen could attest to her accuracy due to their monthly sleepovers and movie marathons. Peter was excited; he thought it would make a fun and interesting youtube video.

            And it was refreshing to not have to worry about staging his flirting with Wade on camera. It was much better to him if it happened organically, like it did in their conversations in the writing room.

            Negasonic flipped over ‘the fool’ card in front of Sam, staring at it with a blank face. “Wow. I wonder what that could mean.”

            “Haha, read the damn cards, witch.” He fired back. Negasonic looked up, her eyes shining with mischief, before she told him the real meaning of the card.

            “Actually, it stands for new beginnings. Something is about to happen to you that you might not be familiar with, something new and unexpected.” Her nose scrunched up as she flipped over the next card, the Empress. “… So, have you and your wife been trying to get pregnant?”

            She read everyone’s fortune in much the same fashion, until the clock had almost struck midnight. By the time she was down to two more people, Wade and Peter both just wanted to go home. They had been complaining about the lateness and lack of edible food in the vending machines for hours now. There were only so many insults you could hurl at Sunchips before you ran out.

            “You know,” Wade suggested. He was leaning his head against Peter’s shoulder, their legs barely touching. It was a pleasant kind of heat, the kind that would have Peter touching _himself_ later that night. “We could just do our reading together. It’ll seem super couple-ish.”

            “I’d be alright with that.” Peter said, softly. His eyes were drooping and he had to specifically concentrate to stop his hand from drifting to Wade’s.

            The air conditioner in the corner kicked to life, making the air cool for a brief, blissful few seconds.

            The door to the reading room opened, and Negasonic stepped out. Gwen walked out smiling radiantly, her eyes sparkling. “Peter, you’ll never guess what Negasonic just told me.”

            “I told her that she’s going to be approved for that closer apartment.” Negasonic said.

            “HEY!” Gwen defended, pouting. “I was gonna be the one to tell him.”

            “Well, you were right.” Peter teased, smiling. “I didn’t guess.”

            “Loser.” Negasonic mumbled. It would have stung, had Peter not known that it was entirely true. Negasonic shifted against the door frame, somehow still awake enough to act like an emo and pretend not to care. “Which one of you are going next?”

            “Actually, we were gonna go together.” Peter told her. Negasonic rose an eyebrow, but she didn’t comment beyond that.

            Peter and Wade stood, Peter first. His muscles complained at the use. He wanted to sit back down and lounge for about a thousand hours, but he knew that would be generally unproductive. He turned to offer Wade a hand, but Wade had already followed his lead.

            They walked into the room where Negasonic had moved to do the second batch of readings. The camera was up on a little pedestal, and Peter and Wade each sat in office chairs opposite to hers.

            She shuffled the cards thoroughly, looking at the wall and allowing her focus to drift as she moved the cards in her hands. Peter watched, mesmerized as she shuffled the cards.

            “Alright.” She said, finally. She placed down the deck and flipped over the top card.

            The Lovers stared up at them, a picture of two people in an intimate embrace delicately painted onto the card. Peter smiled a bit.

            “Wow,” He said, sarcastically, “I wonder what that could possibly mean.”

            Negasonic looked at him carefully, and he felt like he was missing out on something. There was a glint, a spark in her eye that Peter only ever saw when she knew something that she shouldn’t. It was the kind of look that made Peter stop and think. What could she mean?

            “Alright. Moving on.” Negasonic said, without further comment. The rest of their reading was generally good. She predicted a spike in the show, and even suggested that Wade might get more visitation time with his daughter, Ellie.

            They finally finished, and Peter sagged in his seat. He was more than ready to go home. He stood up, stretching his tired muscles in preparation for the walk to the subway. Wade immediately ducked out, declaring that he had to piss like a race horse.

            Peter stayed just a little bit further behind, though. Something was stopping him. Call it intuition, or something.

            “Hey,” Peter said, watching as Negasonic slipped her cards into a small velvet bag. “It was smart to stack the cards like that. Two birds with one stone.”

            Negasonic gave him a blank look. “I didn’t.”

~~~

            Gwen got her new apartment.

            Sam’s girlfriend was having twins.


	5. V

V.

From the Fanfiction: “For Our Next Segment: Fuck Me Over That Desk”

By AO3 user MysticMoonhigh

            _Peter had had a long night at the studio. His back was aching, his eyes were sore, and Wade wouldn’t stop teasing him through the day. Their coworkers had already all caught on to their little fling, but that didn’t stop Peter from rejecting Wade’s advances out of sheer embarrassment._

_He didn’t want to get hard in front of everyone else he worked with. Peter was classy like that._

_But there came a point, after so much teasing, when anyone would break. Peter was only human, and Wade had been at him all day. It was to the point where Peter could hardly stand it anymore; thoughts of Wade and what he wanted Wade to do to him swam in his head constantly. He couldn’t wait until they got home and he could tear Wade’s clothes off._

_Peter salivated at the thought of getting Wade’s big, scarred cock in his mouth and-_

“WHOA WHOA WHOA WHOA!” Peter yelled, putting his hands up. He could feel that his face was red as a tomato. Sam stopped reading, glancing up.

            “Whoa indeed, Parker. You’re one kinky sunuva bitch.” Sam said, smirking. Peter sank down further into his seat, shame burning his ears. He gave a heavy sigh as Wade patted his back.

            “Don’t worry, Petey. I would be gentle.” Wade cooed.

            This had all been the aftermath of a _single_ joke implying that Peter was into exhibitionism. Apparently, AO3 had gained a population of _nearly one-hundred_ new fanfictions that involved Peter getting fucked by Wade in public.

            And Peter would be lying if he were to say that the thought didn’t turn him on. Because oh boy, did it. He really did fantasize about Wade’s giant cock sliding down his throat, him moaning like he was a little whore while Wade-

            And there it was. Peter felt a heat swirling low in his abdomen, and his cock was twitching to life in his jeans. This was why things like this were so _dangerous_ , damn it.

            “Guys, let’s get back to writing that last skit, alright?” Peter said, trying to redirect everyone the best that he could. His job was like trying to herd cats sometimes; his writers didn’t know how to keep themselves on track.

            “I think I’d rather hear the rest of the story.” Wade said, flashing Peter a short wink. Peter felt like his heart had stopped beating for a moment, and was replaced with an actual fucking jackhammer ten seconds later.

            “C’mon.” He said, firmly. “You guys can trade recs later.”

            Gwen turned to Negasonic, mischief in her eyes. “I have an amazing mermaid AU that you just _have_ to read-“

            “What did I just say?!”

~~~

            The weirdest part about all of this was how Wade took all of it in stride. He didn’t make things awkward between him and Peter, he didn’t change the way he acted. Both of them were completely comfortable with the fact that half of the internet thought that they were fucking.

            Their ratings were through the roof, the team was coming up with new and interesting ways to imply that they were in a relationship, and everything seemed right with the world.

            The really funny part was all the little things they were doing now that the videos had gotten them used to.

            For example, they held hands in the background of a video that they made last night.

            And now, with no cameras around, their hands were lightly clasped.

            Peter lay across Wade’s lap in the guest room, his back on Wade’s legs and his head resting on the arm of the sofa. His hand was laying on his own chest. It was only natural that Wade’s hand would lay on top of his, his fingers threading through Peter’s and squeezing softly.

            They sat in silence, watching the TV. Wade’s other hand carelessly massaged through Peter’s hair, and the knife-weilding butterflies were back in Peter’s stomach. But this time, they left their knives at home.

            Wade laughed at a joke on the TV, and Peter felt Wade’s body shake against him with the movement. Peter glanced up at him and the warm glow in his chest intensified.

            He was so lucky to have such a nice friend.


	6. VI

VI.

            “We want you guys to do a truth or dare livestream.” Jameson said. Peter had assumed when he’d set down the tray of shitty coffee for everyone that it was going to be fairly bad news.

            Whenever Jameson had bad news, he always brought coffee to soften the blow. It was coffee from speedway, but Peter thought that it was still pretty clever. It did make him dread the sight of those brown cups with the confusing plastic lids (what?? Did you lift the spout?? Did you let it hit you in the nose??? If you snapped it back onto the little snap thing what was the point of having a lid at all?? Anarchy) but writers were always more receptive when coffee was promised.

            “Okay.” Peter said, slowly. “Why are you bringing us coffee, then?”

            Jameson looked at him carefully, as one looks at one of the pieces in a museum that’s about to get put into the incinerator because someone found out that the artist actually _faked_ his death.

            “No reason. Keep up the good work.” He said, nodding a little. “I expect you to have the details worked out in no more than a week. This is of the upmost importance.”

            “Yes sir.” Peter said, reaching for Jameson’s caffeinated offering. He took a small sip as Jameson walked out of the room.

            Everyone else was looking at him like he had grown a second head. (Except for Wade, who was playing Battlestar Galactica on his phone and had missed the entire conversation). Peter decided that he didn’t like being in the dark. “What?”

            “Well,” Rhodey said, slowly. “Jameson was expecting you to say no to the idea.” He explained, like he was explaining what a circle was to a toddler: like it was common sense to him, and he expected Peter to get it at any moment.

            “I mean, I got that part.” Peter said, his brow furrowing. “But the part that I don’t get is _why_.”

            He took another sip of his coffee, swirling it around in his mouth. He liked the way it made his teeth feel warm. It reminded him that they were bones. Was that weird? That was probably weird. Peter decided never to tell that to anyone ever.

Good thing this was just an internal dialogue and not some multimedia project in which he was a character whose mind the consumers of said media would get to look into at all points in time. Because then everyone would know.

Tony got frustrated with Peter’s oblivious nature. He tapped his pen against the desk again and again and again, the frustration building as Peter _still_ didn’t get what the big deal was.

Peter took a sip of his coffee. Tony finally couldn’t hold it back any more.

            “Because you’re gonna end up smackin’ lips with tall, bulky and permanently disfigured over there.” Tony said.

            Peter spat out his coffee.

~~~

            Truth or Dare night came quicker than a teenage boy receiving his first blowjob.

            Peter was about as nervous as a teenage boy receiving his first blowjob.

            Sometimes, the universe offers satisfying symmetry. This was symmetry, but not the satisfying kind. This was like a creepy clown face that folded in half.

            Truth or dare night had been underway for a solid hour and a half. Every single member of the group other than Peter or Wade had gone. Negasonic had performed a dark magic ritual, Tony had literally shown the world his ass by mooning the camera, and Sam had responded to the grossest personals ad he could find on Craigslist (he had a pissplay and foot-licking appointment to cancel) (not to kinkshame, of course—those were just his personal hard nos). There was nothing they could do to put it off any further.

            Peter and Wade were about to get dared to kiss. And Peter knew that it would smash the rumors that the network wanted to keep going if they were to refuse.

            Peter stared at the camera blankly for a moment. He made an ass of himself on live TV all the time, so why should this be any different?

            “Hey there.” He said, awkwardly waving at the camera. Just like his job, but less scripted. “So, uh…”

            Wade teasingly shoved him aside, standing in front of the camera himself. Peter felt gratitude swell in his chest. Thank fuck, he wasn’t going to have to be the one to do this. Wade turned back at him and winked a little.

            “DARE.” He declared, bravely. As expected, a million and a half requests for them to kiss immediately flooded the screen.

            Peter pushed Wade aside and peered at the screen himself. It seemed like everyone was suggesting it at once; not a single other request for Wade to do got through that wasn’t somehow related to what the fans referred to as ‘Pade’. Peter and Wade. Peter kinda liked the sound of it.

            _NotAButterfly: OMG my pade shipping heard <3_

_AssDestroyer420: FUCK ON THE SCREEN LIKE ANIMALS_

_MEmE666: Please just kiss already, smooch smooch. We need this because I’m shit at photoshop but I still wanna make edits where  you’re kissing._

_EatMe: kiss kiss kiss kiss_

_NotChronicle24: I wanna see a nice smooch. Nothing too flashy._

            “It looks like we have a heavy preference for a smooch.” Wade said, turning to Peter and wiggling his eyebrows. Peter could have died right then. Instead, he kept his calm exterior.

            “Looks like we do.” He responded, slowly. He couldn’t feel his body anymore. The carpet against his knees felt scratchy and far away, and he swore he could see everything happening in slow motion from a view three feet above where they were. Peter was frozen to the spot.

            “You don’t mind, do you?” Wade asked. His hand, warm and slightly clammy, cupped Peter’s jaw softly. Peter could feel want ache in his bones. Wade’s eyes were searching, probing, and speaking all at the same time. They said, ‘ _I’m not going to do this without your permission_ ’.

            Peter’s lips were buzzing in anticipation. He knew they were slightly parted, and his pupils were blown wide. Wade’s thumb moved to gently pull at his bottom lip, and Peter could feel his heart in his throat.

            He didn’t know if he could speak over it.

            _Bronzewitchhazel: HOLY FUCK ITS HAPENNINNNNNG_

_CD1470: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaAAAAAHHHHHHH_

_YellowBox: Peter how could you kiss someone so ugly lol_

_WhiteBox: Shut up, they’re having a MOMENT!_

“D-Does this count as my dare, too?” He asked. Immediately a million yeses popped up on the screen. Peter didn’t need to look to know that they were there. His eyes were trained on Wade’s eyes and Wade’s eyes alone. “Because then, I couldn’t possibly refuse.”

            “Took the words right out of my mouth.” Wade mumbled. He got closer then, so close that Peter could feel Wade’s breath on his lips. The floaty, detached feeling that he had gotten went away and was replaced with a hyper-reality. Peter could feel _everything_ that Wade was doing.

            “Kiss me.” Peter breathed, unable to stand it anymore. His request came out light and airy and just passionate enough that it could have been a joke. But it wasn’t. He’d never needed anything in his life more than he needed Wade to kiss him in that moment.

            Wade pressed their lips together softly, sensually. Peter didn’t actually hear the noise that left his mouth over the pounding of his heart but he knew that it was low and throaty. Wade was warm and his lips were soft and Peter could only feel and smell and taste Wade.

            When they pulled away, Peter was surprised to find that he had grabbed two fist-fulls of Wade’s shirt while they were kissing. He laughed nervously, forcing his slightly shaky hands to release Wade’s clothes and fall back down to his own side. He grinned at Wade.

            “Not enough tongue.” He playfully complained. Wade just grinned in response.


	7. VII

VII.

            Their next show was one of the most watched shows in the history of television. The tumblr tag ‘pade’ was one of the most active tags on the entire site, right behind ‘klance’. Peter would lay awake at night sometimes just thinking about that kiss, thinking about Wade’s lips on his.

            He may, or may not, have slowly jacked himself to a _couple_ of those really hot pade fics… Some of them were super well written. And Wade kept e-mailing him links!

            But then Wade e-mailed Peter a link to a fic where Wade was a hotdog and Peter was the buns, and Peter was reminded that all of that was, after all, a joke. They were just friends, padres, amigos, other Spanish words that Peter wasn’t 100% sure actually meant ‘friends’. Gato.

            The next step, of course, was to start acknowledging it on the actual show.

~~~

            Peter was doing a show on something that they lovingly referred to as ‘fan culture’. It was _finally_ a whole week without a political scandal breaking, a huge natural disaster, or one of the show’s producers having a boner for a certain obscure issue that he wanted to force the crew to do. They got to come up with their own topic.

            Negasonic and Gwen had been friends since they were in high school, and had gone through several fandoms together in the fifteen years since they first met. They both thought that doing a segment on this would be fun, funny, and educational.

And if fandom could bring two people as different as Gwen and Negasonic together to be friends, Peter figured it deserved recognition.

            “-From Harry Potter, widely considered one the largest fandoms of our generation, to the smaller fandoms like Brooklyn Nine-Nine, there is a nook or cranny for everyone who’s looking for something to geek about. Which is _great_ in theory, but ends up with some really obscure outcomes in real life.

            “For example, the fandom for Carlos, the man who brings the coffee to the crew working on select Dream Works movies.” Peter announced. A screenshot of the end credits of a Dream Works movie flashed across the screen, and the audience laughed.

            “Cool sinks? There’s a fandom for that. Treehouses? There’s a fandom for that. That obscure book you read as a child and can’t remember everything about? There’s a small fandom for that. Licking feet? That’s a fetish, not a fandom, but you can find _both_ on tumblr.”

            That joke went over well, the audience laughed a little longer than Peter had planned for. That made him smile just a little too big for the camera.

            “Believe it or not, our show here actually has a really big fandom. We’ve amassed over _five-thousand_ fanfictions on AO3 in just two and a half months since the tag was created.”

            The nerves were starting to turn into adrenaline now, and this was what Peter loved about being a host. The adrenaline, the rush of being up here in front of a live audience and bearing your soul for anyone who wants to see.

            It kept him up some nights; Peter had social anxiety something awful. But the adrenaline was addicting. People laughing because of him was invigorating.

            “From the normal ‘Wade-fucking-me-over-my-desk’ fics,” The name and author of said fic, of course, popping up on the screen. “To the slightly less normal ‘I am a zebra who escapes from the zoo to fuck Wade, who is, for some reason, a donkey without a tail’, we have absolutely LOVED seeing all of the engagement.”

            The audience roared at that, and Peter took a moment to beam.

            “We also have quite a few fanarts that we’d like to show you today. The artist’s name will be displayed below the picture, if you’d like to look some of these people up. I know there are a few that Wade would like to commission.”

            He paused for another, shorter laugh. Peter knew on instinct that Wade was grinning back at his desk. He smiled a little, turning towards the screen. A few innocent ones rolled across the screen; Negasonic and Gwen sharing a tub of iced cream, Sam and Tony as a dog and cat, respectively. Then, suddenly, Wade was pressing up against Peter from behind, gently nipping his ear. The photo paused, and Peter blushed.

            “That one wasn’t supposed to be shown.” He gested. “Get it off the screen, get it off the screen! That’s from my personal collection.” He said. The audience roared and Peter was pretty sure he heard a few squees. The kind of things that warm a talkshow host’s heart.

            The applause died down, and Peter continued on with the show.


	8. VIII

VIII.

“Real Romance or Queerbaiting?: How _Peter’s Points_ Could Be Tricking Gay Fans”

By George Foreman

            Everyone knows that homophobia is a huge problem in our society. But not a lot of people realize that it manifests itself in ways other than just high-school insults or broken legislation. Because sometimes companies will target gay people, advertise to them, and promise them things that they don’t go through with.

            This is called ‘queerbaiting’. For example, when a show intentionally frames two men as being in a romantic relationship to engage a queer audience and then refuses to follow through in order to keep their straight audiences, it’s a big problem. Queer people feel lied to.

            We saw this phenomena in Disney’s recent _Beauty and the Beast_ and in popular TV shows such as _Supernatural_ , but _Peter’s Points_ seems to be following the mold all too well.

            They have intentionally framed Peter Parker and his head writer, Wade Wilson, as being in a homosexual relationship. They’ve had Peter and Wade touching in the backs of scenes on their youtube channel, implied that both of them read ‘pade’ (or, Peter/Wade) stories that their fans write, and even kissed for a truth or dare segment.

            But none of that matters if there is no follow through. It is my personal belief at this point that Wade and Peter are likely just two straight guys hanging all over each other for views, pulling in the queer community by promising representation that they’re never going to get.

            And that, my friends, is the definition of queerbaiting. But we’ll see how things play out.

~~~

            Peter frowned at the newspaper harder than he had ever frowned at anything in his life. And one time he frowned at an Iggy Azalea concert, so that was saying something.

            “How does management feel about this?” Sam questioned slowly. Negasonic popped her bubblegum.

            “Management doesn’t care.” She said, flatly. “This article is right. They had no idea that Peter and Wade were both queer when they asked us to do this. They _wanted_ us to do this.”

            Things were scarily silent at the writer’s table. Normally they would already be a couple minutes into writing their next show, but everything was too quiet and somber right now for anyone to feel funny.

            Peter knew that queerbaiting was a legitament issue. He hadn’t known the word for it before, but he did now. And it made him feel wrong.

            “How can we fix this?” He asked, staring at the paper. He was met with a small bit of silence. “How can we fix this, and keep our jobs?”

            “Well…” Wade said, slowly. “We could both like, yknow. Officially come out. I know you’re against that but the reason why everyone is angry is because they think we’re promising representation we aren’t delivering, yeah? I mean, we don’t have to be _together_ to still let everyone know that we aint so straight. And if that’s all it takes, sign me up to do some gay porn-“

            “For the last time Wade, the PR department does NOT want you to do gay porn.” Peter interrupted. This was the fourth time they’d had this conversation _this week_.

            “And we can give them what they want.” Wade said, looking to Peter for confirmation. Peter reflected on that.

            He still felt like he shouldn’t have to come out for something like this, but he knew that arguing that was futile. He was in between a rock and a hard place already, and the only way to help even the slightest was going to be to climb the pride flag offered to him by the helicopter hovering above.

            “I think that sounds good.” He said, nodding. “And management will be happy; us coming out will still make the rumors even worse. It’s a win-win for everyone.”

            “Alright buddy boy.” Wade said, grinning. “Are you ready to show the world your true colors?”

~~~

            Peter didn’t feel all that nervous about the coming out part of the video. They framed it so as to be funny but still undeniably real; Peter would sip coffee from a bi pride coffee mug, sitting in front of his bi pride curtains, and stand to reveal his bi pride shirt.

            Wade would then casually walk by the office in a pansexual pride t-shirt. Peter would then make a tweet later in the day confirming his bisexuality. Not that difficult.

            But the video itself would be an “office tour”, featuring a separate scene where Wade and Peter busted out of an office supply closet together. The camera was supposed to then focus on a hickey on Peter’s neck.

            Which Wade had _graciously_ volunteered to _actually give him_. In the dark closet. For “realism”, which Peter is pretty sure started out as a joke but then got out of control to the point where there was no turning back anymore. Somehow, this was really, _really_ happening.

            Peter sipped his hot coffee, glancing up at the camera. The knife-weilding butterflies had replaced their knives with ferocious chainsaws.

            “That’s a wrap.” Called Sam, who was holding the camera. The general premise of the video was supposed to be Negasonic giving the viewers a tour, just so happening to catch their shenanigans in the process. He looked down at the camera, going over the footage again to make sure that they had everything they needed and it wasn’t too shaky. “Alright, time for the next scene.”

            Wade poked his head around the corner and wiggled his eyebrows. Or, well, the place where his eyebrows would be if hair growth wasn’t stopped by scar tissue.

            “Petey-Pie.” He sing-songed. “You know what that means.”

            Peter’s stomach did a flip and goosebumps rose on his arms. “Right, sure.”

            He was pretending to be confident, and pretending like he wasn’t about to get a massive boner in the smallest closet they had pressed up against his close friend for the sake of implying to the internet that they had feelings for each other.

            Peter stood, willing his cock to at least stay soft till they were actually _in_ the closet.

            “Next scene.” Sam said, smirking like he knew something. Negasonic rolled her eyes and sighed.

            “Right. Let’s just get this over with before Jameson comes in and asks for the draft of this week’s show. I still wanna add in that stupid pigeon joke.”

            “No matter how many times you say it isn’t, that still sounds like a personal attack.” Sam mumbled.

            The four of them walked out to the hallway. Peter could barely feel his arms and legs and what he could feel of them felt lanky and unnaturally bendy, like he was made of nervous rubber.

            Wade opened the closet, and a gust of slightly cooler air hit Peter. It was dark and a little dusty and there _definitely_ wasn’t enough room in there to realistically fit two people without some serious contact.

            “After you, Princess.” Wade purred. His smile was warm and reassuring, and even with his heart in his throat Peter ended up smiling like an idiot. He walked over to the closet and shoved himself in, pressing as close to the wall as he could. It was dark and cold and there was a vacuum cleaner handle trying to push its way up Peter’s ass, but then Wade climbed in.

            Suddenly, it was warm. Much too warm. And Wade grabbed the handle and shut the door behind them.

            Their foreheads were practically touching, and the minty smell of Wade’s breath made Peter’s head spin. The fact that it smelled like anything other than taco meat proved that he had consciously tried to improve his breath for this. Peter appreciated the courtesy.

            “So…” Wade said, grinning a painfully aware grin. Peter blinked a couple of times before responding.

            “So.” He said, slowly. He couldn’t think of anything to say, so he just mimicked Wade’s response. Wade’s body tensed a little, which Peter could feel in the small space that they shared. His lungs started to feel a little too large, his hands threatening to shake. What if that had been the wrong thing to say? What if Wade didn’t recover? What if-

            “You ready for me to give it to you?” He asked. His tone had a marked innuendo and Peter blushed heavily. He was grateful for the dark of the closet.

            “Mark me up.” He said, his hands falling to Wade’s shoulders. Wade leaned down and pressed a light kiss to Peter’s jaw and Peter’s neck arched of its own volition, giving Wade room to work.

            It didn’t take him long to find a spot, just like it didn’t take Peter long to be hard and aching in his jeans. He tried to fight it, tried to push down his lust and pure want, but it all just kept bubbling back up again. Wade licked his skin before latching on and beginning to suck, hard and heavy and so fucking _hot_.

            Peter hoped that the little moan he made was in his head. He was too busy clinging to Wade’s shoulders for dear life as Wade sucked harder, his hands grabbing Peter’s hips and pulling him closer.

            Peter’s hard cock was pressed against Wade’s leg, and Peter let out a gasp as his hips bucked without his permission.

            Wade pulled back slowly, his forehead landing on Peter’s. The taste of mint kept ghosting over Peter’s lips and he wanted it, he wanted Wade to kiss him _so badly_ that he would have given anything in that moment for Wade to have done it.

            Wade’s hand left his hip and Peter felt like a part of his soul had been taken with it. Negasonic’s line was spoken and Wade shoved the door open last minute, both of them tumbling out in a grand show of bravado.

            Wade grinned sheepishly at the camera as they stumbled out, pupils blown wide. Peter came stumbling out after, blushing even harder. He could feel Wade’s hickey on his neck like a hot brand.

            “What were you guys doing in there?” Negasonic asked, like she didn’t care. Because she genuinely did not care what business other people got up to in the closet.

            “Nothing” Peter said, at the same time Wade responded “Cleaning!”

            Sam looked at Peter and nodded once, letting him know he was zooming in on the hickey. The camera got a good look and Peter pretended to notice, covering it up with his hands. He laughed nervously, smiling a bit at the camera.

            “Whatever.” Negasonic responded, turning back to the camera. “It’s time to show you the vending machines. Or, where you can receive barely mediocre food for ridiculous prices.”

            They moved on down the hall, Wade and Peter staying put. Almost as soon as they were out of ear shot, Wade’s eyes dropped to Peter’s crotch.

            “So.” Wade said, eyeing him up. “Looks like you’ve got a big problem. Sorry for being so hard on you. To make it up, I’ll erect a statue in your honor. Let’s hope having a statue around doesn’t make you look like a dick. _You_ _have an erection_.”

            Peter’s face had never been redder in his life. He buried it in his hands and shook his head as if to shake away the memory. Unfortunately, Peter’s brain had yet to be replaced by an etch-a-sketch, but he was working on it.

            “Don’t let it make you too cocky.” He warned, to ease some of the tension. Wade boomed laughter in response.


	9. IX

IX.

            That night, the rain pounded on Peter’s windows as he lay in bed, eyes closed and mind shut to the world. He was actively keeping his mind blank, knowing that if he were to allow thoughts to pass through that his pain would begin to have a name.

            The room was dark. Peter had never been afraid of the dark, but it felt too big right now. The rain made everything seem a little more surreal, a little less intense. Peter was grateful for it.

            This was the first time in a long time that his bed had felt empty.

~~~

            Wade was a special kind of stupid. The kind of stupid that conveniently neglected to tell Peter that they were scheduled to be on Conan until a week beforehand, when it was already too late to cancel.

            Okay, so Wade definitely _wasn’t_ stupid. He knew Peter well enough to know that Peter would freak the fuck out (which he did), cancel (which he _tried_ to do but Wade barely hung up the phone in time) and go through the entire range of human emotions within thirty seconds. If Wade hadn’t waited to tell him, they would not be going on Conan.

            They were going to have a conversation about his show’s recent success, him coming out of the closet, and his opinion on the current political climate. Peter was anxious and thrilled and absolutely dreading it all at the same time.

            Which is how he convinced the producers to let him take Wade with him.

            They boarded the flight together, arrived together, and got a cab together. The entire time Wade was making jokes and having fun and Peter was slowly relaxing into it, pretending that this was a personal trip rather than a business endeavor. A scary, scary business endeavor.

            The car hummed underneath them. The traffic was stop-and-go, as it tended to be in New York City. This was where Peter had grown up and where he had come back every summer for years to visit his aunt since he was a boy. He knew the streets and he knew exactly how long it would take them to get to the hotel.

            “Whoa.” Wade said, his voice breathy and filled with wonder. He looked out the windows and up at the tall buildings. “These are almost as big as my dick.”

            Peter snorted before catching himself and changing it abruptly into a glare. Wade was going to meet aunt May pretty soon, and Peter didn’t want him saying things that would make her uncomfortable. Or have a heart attack.

            “What did I tell you about having a filter?” He asked, sternly.

            “That it should be nice and thick.” Wade responded, blinking. Peter could tell he was thinking the obvious addition to that statement, but Wade bit his lip and kept himself from speaking. Peter’s eyes narrowed, but as time clicked on, he relaxed. Wade had done good. “Like my dick.”

            Damn it all to _hell_.

~~~

            “Reservation for Parker?” Peter questioned. The woman at the front desk pressed some keys on her keyboard and squinted at her screen. She looked down at it and back up at him before smiling.

            “Right.” She said.

            Peter heard a crash and flinched. He refused to look back. He knew that Wade had broken something, and he just hoped that it wasn’t expensive. The Conan show was paying for their reservation here, and he would like to be invited back at the end of this stay, thank you.

            “Sorry.” Wade said. Peter broke and turned around to see an expensive-looking pot turned on its side, dark earth spilling onto the marble floor of the hotel. Wade grinned sheepishly as he set it back up on its side. Thank God it hadn’t broken.

            Peter turned back to the woman holding the key, who was looking between him and Wade like she was tempted to call security right now. In the end, she reluctantly handed him the key to their room. “King-sized bed. Mini-fridge, the note from the Conan show is to help yourself. Room 418.”

            Peter nodded at her. He didn’t even realize that it was a single bed until they were already in the elevator.

            They dropped their things off in their room, and took off from there. Peter felt a little bad when he saw that a janitor was having to scrub the dirt off of the smooth floors, but he reminded himself that he was getting paid (well, this particular company had a good reputation for that). Also, dirt was probably the _least_ of his worries.

            “Alright.” Wade said, looking up and down the street. The sun hung low in the sky, reminding them that they only had a little time. Peter grabbed Wade’s wrist and lead him around the corner, headed towards the diner.

            Not many people knew it, but just a couple of blocks away from the high-class people and high-rise buildings was a little community of family-owned businesses. It was close enough to take a bus from Queens, which meant that he had pretty much grown up on the food that came from these places. Aunt May had been a waitress at Salee’s for years, and had always taken home leftovers for Peter at night.

            Salee’s was modeled after the jukebox joints of the fifties. It had checkered tile and pictures of classic cars and it was rumored that Obama had once stopped there for breakfast. Nobody knew whether or not that one was true, but Peter liked to think so.

            He pulled Wade inside, the smell of eggs and bacon immediately filling the room and bringing Peter back to his childhood.

            He paused to take it all in. Wade stepped a little closer to him, and there was really no reason for Peter to continue holding onto his wrist now that they had reached their destination. But he didn’t let go. Wade didn’t seem to mind.

            “Peter!” Came from the back of the restaurant. Peter immediately turned and ran to aunt May. Wade’s hand slipped out of his, which was disappointing, but he hardly noticed when he had his aunt in his arms. He held her tight, tears welling up in his eyes. He almost always cried when he saw aunt May after a while without her.

            She hugged him close, and they stayed like that until Wade finally got up the courage to introduce himself.

            “Erm, hey.” He said, awkwardly walking up behind Peter. Aunt May’s head lifted off of his shoulder and she warmly regarded the man behind him, her eyes sparkling with emotion. “The name’s Wade. Peter talks about you all the time. Big fan.”

            “Peter talks about you all the time too.” Aunt May responded, smiling warmly. Peter felt his cheeks heat up a little bit and he softly elbowed his aunt, screaming at her with his eyes. Wade _didn’t need to know that_.

            But Wade smiled like he was a kid on Christmas morning who just found out he was getting a pony. And Peter had a scarily accurate idea of what that might look like, since Jameson had actually tricked Wade into believing the office was getting a horse once. Wade didn’t talk to him for a week afterwards. It was the only time Peter had ever seen Jameson use sarcasm rather than unembrideled rage.

            They sat down to eat. Wade sat next to Peter and May sat across from them both, the diner music playing softly in the background as they settled in to eat. The waitress came fast, and Wade turned to Peter, batting his eyelashes.

            “Order for me, Sweetie?” He prompted.

            “P-Pancakes.” Peter said, cursing himself as he stuttered. He didn’t know what had gotten into him but he suddenly couldn’t form full words without stuttering. “Four e-each. Chocolate chip.”

            He handed the waitress their menus and turned back to see Wade smirking at him, eyes glazed over in affection as he looked at Peter. “You’re all flustered over the pancakes?”

            Aunt May looked between them like she had something she was keeping herself from saying. Peter ignored it for the most part. The corner of her mouth was pulled up into a half-smile, so it couldn’t be all that bad.

~~~

            Aunt May loved Wade. She raved about him to Peter in text form as soon as they left the diner, and Peter was beyond relieved.

            The hotel looked even better during the sunset; the ivory walls were lit up so they shimmered like gold in the orangey hues of the sky. The lights stood out plainly in the places where the sky was fading to Twilight.

            Peter couldn’t help but feel satisfied. He had Wade beside him, chocolate chip pancakes in his stomach, and his aunt’s approval. They were staying in one of the best hotels in New York City for _free_ , and they had access to the mini bar. Peter had never been more excited in his entire life.

            Or more fucking nervous.

            Which is why it seemed like a fantastic idea to go upstairs and get completely fucking wasted.

            “Care to join me for a drink?” He asked Wade, pressing the elevator button up to their floor. Wade looked up from his phone, (he’d been texting his daughter ever since she got a phone for her eighth birthday) and his eyes were excited.

            “Of course. But we can’t get too jizzed, you’ve gotta be on Conan by two.”

            “…Jizzed.”

            “It’s my new word for drunk, ‘cause alcohol fucks me up.”

            Peter rolled his eyes and waited until the elevator had come to a complete stop. He smirked a little bit as it arrived on their floor. Their room was all the way at the other end of the hallway, and he knew that Wade was just distracted enough that he could make his move.

            “First one back to the hotel room gets first dibs.” He said. Wade looked up from his phone again, clearly taking the bait. Peter chose then to lean over and give him a nice, big shove. Wade hit the wall on the other side of the elevator and Peter took off, sprinting with all his might towards the room.

            He beat Wade by just a few steps, and let out a triumphant call to celebrate.

            They got a noise complaint because of it.

~~~

            Peter had been nursing the bottle of rum for an hour before he realized that it was halfway gone. His body was warm and fuzzy and he was pretty sure Wade had drunk an _entire_ bottle of nice scotch.

            “You know,” Peter slurred, scooting closer to Wade on the king-sized bed, “I’ve always loved this movie.”

            They were, of course, watching Jurassic Park. The original. Not that the new one was bad, Peter just had an appreciation for the classics.

            “Really?” Wade slurred. Peter felt another shift in the bed, and Wade’s arm was pressed up against his. There, now that was more like it. Peter felt warm and affectionate and he wanted to wrap his arms around Wade and just kinda hug for a little while. While he wasn’t too nervous. “Couldn’t tell, what with your Jurassic mug and poster and screensaver back at the office. Never woulda guessed.”

            “Shut up.” Peter said, taking his finger and pressing it to Wade’s lips. Wade looked down at his finger, crossing his eyes in the process. Despite being distracted by the feeling of Wade’s warm and chapped lips, Peter still had enough higher brain function to think that it was hilarious. And laugh his ass off.

            He laughed until his sides hurt. He collapsed into hysteria, falling on Wade’s stomach. Instead of moving off of him, Peter finished most of his giggles and then repositioned himself so that his entire body was draped over Wade’s. He realized then that his finger was still on Wade’s lips, and he smiled a little.

            “They’re so soooooft.” Peter swooned, looking Wade in the eyes. Wade chuckled a little, making both of them bounce. Peter crawled up a little more and his legs spread so that he was straddling Wade.

            He let his finger slip from Wade’s lips, and he grabbed Wade’s face.

            “Your scars are so soft.” He mumbled, tracing his thumb along Wade’s skin. Wade’s breath hitched, and Peter just kept tracing them. He was telling the truth. They were soft, slightly puckered, raised along Wade’s skin like a roadmap. He had come to love every one of them.

            “No they aren’t.” Wade said. His voice was rough.

            “Shut up. Yes they are. I love them.” He mumbled, running his fingers along them a little bit harder. Wade’s eyes shut and he let out a small groan, head falling back. Peter’s hands simply switched from Wade’s face to his neck, continuing to stroke his skin and feeling Wade’s body respond beneath him.

            Wade was hard and pressed against Peter. Peter was hard too, and was heavily fighting the urge to lean down and leave some marks of his own on Wade’s skin. He wanted to leave Wade with some kind of a reminder that he cared, that he loved him. The scars on his skin didn’t mean anything to Peter.

            He knew Wade had had a rough past; you don’t get scars like this unless you were involved in some shady business. Burns weren’t the only scars Wade had on his body; Peter had seen the stab would by his ribs, and the thick white lines where his head had been gashed open were just a little bit different than traditional burns. You wouldn’t see it without paying attention.

            But Peter knew that Wade was trying to be better. And Peter could always respect that. He loved Wade no matter what his past may hold.

            “I think you’re hot.” Peter mumbled.

            “Was that a burn victim joke?” Wade questioned. Peter laughed again, and his hands fell from Wade’s skin to land on his shoulders. Peter wanted something, something that he wasn’t sure of. He couldn’t put his finger on it; there was a longing in his soul that felt like it was pulling him towards Wade.

            This wasn’t lust. It was something different. But Peter was too drunk to even try to understand it right now.

            “Maybe we should kiss.” He slurred, putting his forehead onto Wade’s. “Just fer luck.”

            “Just for—Just for-“ Wade said, leaning forward. He was so close, so close to Peter’s lips. Peter could feel him under him, the breath that Wade was giving off.

This was different than truth or dare. They had no audience. They had nobody watching, there was nobody they were trying to impress or please. This was Peter wanting to kiss Wade pure and simple.

Peter leaned down, and something grew in his soul.

Wade’s lips were warm, his hands were warm, and his chuckle was warm like the whiskey that they had drank just moments before. Peter was dizzy on the reality of it all when Wade’s tongue probed at his mouth, and he let out a moan.

He forced himself to pull away, blushing and wanting but uncertain.

“I don’t wanna keep kissing.” He slurred, hugging Wade tight. Wade sighed, his body sinking in defeat. “Because I’m scared I won’t remember tomorrow. I wanna remember. When we do this, I wanna remember.”

Wade perked up again, and Peter smiled a bit.

He sunk down and eventually fell asleep like that, Peter on top of Wade.

~~~

            The next day, Peter woke up late. They had to scramble to get everything ready in time, and he almost didn’t see it.

            A post-it note, in his own handwriting. The only thing it said on it was a small ‘remember’ in drunken writing. He turned to Wade, his brain suddenly fixated on the word. This felt important. This felt necessary.

            “Hey, do you know what this is about?” He asked, turning the paper around and showing Wade.

            Wade looked at Peter carefully, scanning him. Peter could tell he was being evaluated, but he wasn’t sure why. Slowly, after a pause that felt like it lasted far too long to have possibly resulted in truth, Wade spoke.

            “No, I don’t know anything about that. C’mon. We’re late.”

            Peter knew that he didn’t have time to push it, and he knew that Wade didn’t have any reason to keep things from him. Still, it didn’t stop him from crumbling up the paper and sticking it into his suitcase pocket.

            ‘Remember’. Huh. He wondered what was so important about last night.

            Conan asked if him and Wade were dating, and Peter told him a firm no. It didn’t feel right to lie to his fans.

            Peter didn’t know why, but he still felt like he was lying.


	10. X

X.

            Two days later, back in his own bed, Peter glanced at the note he’d written himself. _Remember_. What could it mean? Every time he looked at it, he felt like something fuzzy came into view, some kind of a picture of what he was supposed to be remembering. But he never quite got there.

            His bed felt even emptier now.

~~~

            The network gave them all generous bonuses as a thanks for the work they had done in regards to bringing the ratings up. Peter felt like their network was one of the best that they could work for.

            “What are you gonna do with your portion of the money, bird brain?” Wade asked. Sam snorted.

            “A nursery. Fun things have to wait. I’m an actual adult now.” He teased. The check was for $2000 a piece, distributed to every main writer as their bi-yearly bonus. Tony, who was rich beyond his wildest dreams and didn’t even need this job in the first place, was currently using his check as a coffee coaster.

            “What about you?”

            “I’m going to make one of those youtube videos where I fill a bathtub with slime and soak in it.” Wade teased. “I can’t wait to scrape slime out of my every orifice.”

            “I’ll join you.” Peter teased. Okay, half teased, because that sounded legitimately cool and definitely like something that he would do. “The internet will lose its shit over the two of us in a bathtub.”

            “Whoa whoa whoa.” Sam said, his eyebrows knitting together. “You two do realize that management has stopped caring about that, right? As in, you two are free to go. If you want to stop making everybody think you’re bumping uglies, you can.”

            Peter paused. Sam was, as usual, right.

            “I don’t really mind.” Peter replied, slowly. Wade was watching him intently, a little more intently than usual. Peter brushed it off. “I actually kinda like the engagement it’s giving us with the fans. What can I say?” Peter shrugged. “I must be a view whore.”

            “Or just a regular whore.” Wade teased. There was something off about his tone, and Peter couldn’t quite put his finger on it. “I have that effect on people.”

            Peter smirked. He turned to Gwen. “What are you gonna do with your money?” He questioned, leaning forward. He couldn’t look Wade in the eyes with the butterflies in his stomach again, so he diverted attention from himself altogether.

            “Negasonic and I are going to Japan! We’re gonna blend in on a hotel and go to Harujuka! I’m stoked.” She announced. Negasonic looked up from her phone to smile a little at Gwen.

            “You… Don’t look like a Japan kind of girl, Negasonic.”

            “It’ll be fun to go with a friend.” She said, shrugging. Gwen leaned forward in her seat, looking at Peter intently as she pushed her lips together into a thin line. She looked ready to quietly explode with information, but she kept quiet for now.

            Peter suddenly had an idea.

            “Hey,” He said, turning towards Wade, “Why don’t we do that? Go on a super cliched vacation somewhere together? Obviously we can’t go to Japan if we wanna do a bathtub full of slime too, but we could go somewhere in the US?”

            Wade immediately perked up at the idea, but he still seemed a little bit weary in general. Peter wasn’t sure what was _up_ with that. Wade seemed to be holding back somehow today, and that wasn’t your typical Wade behavior.

            Peter sighed, looking down into his cup of steaming hot tea. He’d been replacing some of the coffee he drank through the day with tea, since it helped him to relax a little more. Something had him a little on edge too, since that trip to upper New York.

            “That sounds great.” Wade announced. Peter smiled at him broadly, hoping for the best.

            “Alright, wanna stop by my place tonight? We can decide where to go.” Peter said.

            “You betchya.” Wade said, shooting finger guns at Peter.

~~~

            Peter didn’t know why he had cleaned his house three times before Wade got there, but something just made him feel a little bit more secure knowing that his counters had already been bleached a few good times.

            His apartment was nothing _too_ fancy. A good chunk of his paycheck was paying off his college debt or going to help aunt May pay some medical bills (that hip replacement didn’t fare too well for her bank account).

            Even after he finished paying those off, which was coming pretty soon, he didn’t think he’d move anywhere too glamorous. He had a window overlooking the street and a spacious living room. He lived alone, but he had two bedrooms.

            He’d gotten it, rent controlled, from the previous tenant. It was nice.

            But on a star’s budget he really could afford more if he wanted it.

            Three short taps on the door sent Peter scrambling to answer it. He opened it wide, grinning so hard his cheeks hurt.

            “I brought pizza.” Wade mumbled, holding up the box so that Peter could see. The peperoni and sausage mingled with the scent of febreeze that permeated through Peter’s house. He grabbed Wade’s shirt and pulled him in, grinning.

            Wade shut the door behind him with his foot.

            They walked over to the counter together and Peter shoved his pile of maps over to make room for the treat. Wade and him both grabbed a slice and sat down at Peter’s tiny kitchen table, staring at the maps intently.

            Half an hour later, they’d gotten nowhere.

            “I still wanna see the largest ball of twine.” Wade argued. Peter groaned, putting his head down to the table.

            “For such an interesting person, you have boring taste in vacations.”

            “You’re right, we should just go to dubai. There’ll be millions of hoes. It’s lit.”

            “Stop making out-of-date pop culture references while I’m trying to pick a place for us to go!” Peter argued, laughing a little despite himself.

            “You’re out of date. Out of _a_ date. I’m walking home.” Wade said, getting up. Peter’s immediate reaction was to grab his arm and pull him back down into the chair, looking at Wade in exasperation.

            Wade stared at him like he’d just discovered Jesus.

            “So what, we’re dating now?” Peter asked. Wade promptly ignored him.

            “You just fuckin. Manhandled the shit out of me, Parker.” He responded. Peter rolled his eyes. “Seriously, fuck. That is my kink. That _exactly_.”

            “Can we please focus for four seconds, Wade?” He asked. He tried to remain stern, but he couldn’t hold back his dopey grin. There was nothing about this that wasn’t funny. Peter loved it. Peter loved Wade.

            “Sure, sure. I guess if you _must_ insist, we can go to Disneyworld.”

            “ _Really_?” Peter asked, his voice raising at least an octave. Wade smiled back at him.

            “Oh yeah. I was fine with it when you suggested it an hour ago, I just wanted to wait until you’d completely lost your mind trying to pick something.”

            “…You’re absolutely deplorable.” Peter said, wonder in his voice. “You’re literally the Devil. I have invited Satan himself into my house.”

            “You’re so overdramatic.”

            “You made everyone think there was an office fire to throw Gwen a surprise birthday party, but _I’m_ the overdramatic one?”

            “She loved it!” Wade defended.

            There was a lot that was tense right now. Wade had never answered his question about dating which, for some reason, was making Peter’s palms sweat. Wade had openly said that Peter could manhandle him if he wanted to, which made Peter’s cheeks rosy. They were going to _Disney World_ , which made Peter’s brain grind to a halt and run around in happy circles to the point where he couldn’t focus.

            He needed an outlet for all of this and there was only one that he could think of.

            He stood up and pounced.

            He knocked Wade to the floor gently, laughing the entire way as he spread his legs across Wade’s hips, his hands grabbing Wade’s struggling ones and forcing them down to the floor. Wade was laughing, which was shaking Peter and making his body feel all the more hot in contrast to the cool linoleum of the floor.

            “Fuck!” Wade called out, pretending like Peter had a hold on him. Peter was pretty strong, but Wade definitely wasn’t fighting as hard as he could have been. Which meant that he was _letting_ Peter hold him down.

            Which was suddenly very hot.

            Peter’s blush worked its way down his neck and up to his ears as his cock started to harden, just a little. He shifted back a little bit, his ass suddenly confronted with something large and _hard_ pressing against him.

            “You’re…?” He asked, his mouth suddenly watering. Peter had never seen Wade look embarrassed in his life, but suddenly, that changed.

            Wade looked uncertain and embarrassed and aroused and suddenly Peter felt it all too. Peter’s hot flush turned burning and he suddenly catapulted himself off of Wade, his ass landing hard against the floor. He shook his head, trying to clear the disorientation from his mind.

            “I, um.” Wade said, stupidly. His hard cock was still pushing up through his jeans, and Peter couldn’t help but look at it. Oh boy. That looked _nice_. “I’m gonna go ahead and head out. We can work out the details later, I suddenly remembered that I have to take all twelve stray cats in my neighborhood to boxing lessons.”

            “Okay.” Peter said, still feeling dazed. Wade got up and grabbed the book of attractions he had brought, tucking it under his arm.

            “Bye.” Wade said, suddenly at Peter’s door.

            “Bye.” Peter responded, turning towards the closing door behind him. He stared at the wood long after Wade had left, still frozen in his spot on the floor.

            Normally, they would have just laughed that off. But they hadn’t. Something had changed. It had become too much and too real and Peter didn’t know what to do about it.

            He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes.

            Why did everything have to get confusing?


	11. XI

            Their flight landed at twelve noon.

            Peter was pretty sure that his and Wade’s bickering had annoyed their fellow passengers ten times more than the crying baby in seat B-fifteen, but he’d had fun along the way. There were some silences, some awkward moments, but they were shorter. Less pronounced. Things were getting back to normal.

            Their first day at Disney was spectacular, and Peter walked into their hotel room absolutely worn out. His muscles ached, his back hurt, and his skin was slightly red from the hour he’d forgotten to reapply sunscreen.

            His phone buzzed in his pocket. The bedroom they had gotten had two large beds on either side of a night table, a small fridge and a microwave. A television sat across from both of the beds, smack dab in the middle. They had gone with the more basic room intentionally, figuring that their money would be better spent on souvenirs and other accommodations.

            He grabbed his phone, sliding it out of his pocket to see aunt May’s picture vibrantly displayed. He groaned, turning to Wade. “I’m gonna have to go take this.”

            Wade nodded from where he was crouched in front of the mini-fridge. Peter got up and walked to the door, sliding his phone screen open as soon as he was out in the hall. He paced back and forth to keep himself awake as he listened to details about Aunt May’s week and gave her the rundown of everything that had happened so far at the park.

            Once he was finally finshed talking and wished her a goodbye, it had been forty-five minutes since he had left the room.

            He opened the door, slipping his phone into his pocket.

            Arms wrapped around him.

            “Hey there, Stranger.” Wade cooed. Peter smelled the alcohol on his breath. He rolled his eyes, turning to Wade.

            “You do realize you just paid fifteen dollars for a three dollar bottle of liquor, right?”

            “Don’t care.” Wade responded, moving closer. He was clinging to Peter now, his entire body pressing against the other’s. Peter felt a deep flush sweep through his body. Wade was definitely an affectionate drunk.

            “Of course you don’t care.” Peter said, gently. “You’re drunk.”

            Wade huffed a laugh. He was close to Peter’s skin now, close to Peter’s neck. Peter was debating whether or not he should push Wade off; he didn’t want to end up getting a boner and then be unable to get away from a very clingy drunk Wade to take care of it. Especially not with how awkward any kind of arousal had gotten between them.

            Wade pushed the bottle against his lips. Peter pulled back, eyes widening as he reached up to take the bottle in his own hands.

            “Drink.” Wade requested. Peter looked over to him, his eyebrows furrowing. “Loosen up.”

            Peter considered. They were two grown adults in a hotel room… Alcohol couldn’t hurt anything, right? He lifted the bottle back to his mouth, the smooth glass in contrast with his chapped lips. He took a couple of deep sips, the alcohol burning his mouth. Whatever this was, it was some strong shit.

            He handed the bottle back to Wade, and Wade nuzzled further into his neck. He hadn’t eaten much in the last few hours, which made the alcohol take effect almost immediately. Peter could feel it warming him, making everything a little fuzzy around the edges. He liked it.

            “Let’s get you into a bed, huh? We can watch drunk history while we’re drunk.” Peter proposed. Wade clung to him a little harder. His whole body was pressing up against Peter’s, and Peter couldn’t stop the fire that had licked his lips from heating further down.

            “Only if we can share one.” Wade prompted. Peter breathlessly nodded his head, feeling almost dizzy with arousal. Fuck, one drink had done this to him?

            He felt a growing kind of panic welling up that Wade would notice, especially as his cock began to tent his jeans. He stumbled over to the bed with Wade still clinging tight to him, grabbing the remote and turning on the TV. He wasn’t all that inebriated in comparison to Wade, but Wade’s heat against him was making him hot.

            “What inspired this bout of drinking? Thinking about your dad again?” Peter asked. He wanted to make sure that Wade was emotionally okay before they started to watch any TV. Sometimes, Wade just needed a drunk cry about his fucked-up childhood. Peter understood that, and would always listen when Wade needed him to.

            Instead of answering verbally, one of Wade’s hands gripped Peter’s chin. He turned Peter to face him, eyes glassy as he licked his lips. Peter was frozen completely; want and confusion tugging him in separate directions as the fire in his stomach begged for Wade to lean in. He could feel the heat radiating off of Wade, and in a sudden burst of wild need he thought that he would like it if that heat consumed him.

            “Wanted to do this again. Wanted you to remember.” Wade slurred, leaning in. He had the special brand of bravery that only a drunk man could achieve, and Peter’s knees were too weak and his mind too cloudy with lust to fully realize what was going on until it was already happening.

            Their lips met and Peter felt his body absolutely melt. Confusion was still pervasive, but the all-consuming pleasure of having Wade kiss him made everything feel so much more alive. Peter moaned, his mouth slipping open as Wade’s tongue darted inside. Wade moaned back and suddenly their tongues were sliding together, hot and wet and smooth and _so fucking right_.

            Peter flashed back to another night in another hotel, Wade’s lips insistent against his as their bodies moved together. Wade shifted his body, as if responding to Peter’s memory, and there was a leg between his, pressing up against his erection.

            “F-Fuck.” He said, breaking off the kiss. His body arched up into Wade’s and he had to bite his lip to keep from moaning.

            “You didn’t remember.” Wade huffed, moving his leg against Peter’s erection. Peter could feel Wade’s hard cock against his hip, and he wanted nothing more than to have it in his hands or in his mouth or stretching him wide.

            “I do now.” Peter promised. He grabbed Wade’s head and brought it back down, chasing him into another passionate kiss. The blurry memory of him writing himself a note, begging for him to know what had happened, came back in bits and pieces. _Remember_. He did now.

            Wade’s tongue fucked into his mouth, his hand reaching down. His leg moved, which made Peter whine in frustration. Wade’s hand replaced it, his fingers stroking along Peter’s hard dick. Peter couldn’t hold back his enthusiastic noise at this point; Wade’s hands were big and calloused and skilled.

            “Fu-Fuck! Please, I-“ He cut off as Wade kissed him again.

            The whiskey on Wade’s tongue burned him, and Peter suddenly realized what was happening.

            He couldn’t let Wade do this. Not while he was drunk.

            Wade’s hand slipped down his pants and into his underwear, wrapping around Peter’s dick. Peter was ready to cum in his pants just from that, his hips bucking on instinct. Fuck, he had to stop Wade.

            “N-No.” He growled, grabbing Wade’s hand and pulling it out. It took every single bit of his self-control to make Wade pull away. He wanted Wade’s hand on his dick so badly. “Not now. You’re drunk.”

            “But I wanna. Wanna suck you off.” Wade said. “Even when I’m sober. And you only had a drink.”

            Was _that_ why Wade was freaking out every time he got a boner over the last few weeks? Because he wanted Peter? He wanted to have sex?

            “Not now. Lemme—Lemme go take care of this. We’ll talk about this when you’re sober.” He said. Wade huffed a sigh of agitation and let go, leaving Peter’s body cold. Peter got up and eagerly walked to the bathroom, his hard cock rubbing against his pants painfully.

            Once there, he locked the door and lifted his shirt, unbuckling his pants and shoving down his underwear. He could see himself twitching, precum leaking from his tip. He couldn’t stop looking at his own swollen cock. It had been too damn long since he had been this horny. He wrapped a hand around himself and started to slowly stroke his cock, moaning at the sensation.

            In the end, he painted his chest with his cum, his cock twitching and pleasure making his toes curl as he coated himself in his own semen.

            When he came back out, Wade was fast asleep.

            Lying in the other bed.


	12. XII

XII.

            “Fuck.” Wade groaned, slowly sitting up. The sun was coming in through the window and had finally made its way over to him. Peter was currently reading the copy of Larry the Cable Guy’s book they had put in the top drawer of the hotel room nightstand, which he assumed was meant to imply that this was the southern equivalent of a bible. It was terribly misogynistic. He would be giving it one star on Amazon later.

            “Morning.” Wade said, turning over. Then Peter assumed that he must have remembered what happened last night since he sat up as fast as he possibly could and whispered a more fevered _“Fuck.”_

            “You know,” He said, shifting the book a little bit. “I didn’t even realize that Larry the Cable Guy was literate.”

            “Fuck, fuck, _fuck_ ,” Wade said, burying his face in his hands. Peter put his book down, turning to Wade.

            “Something you’d like to verbalize?” He asked, primly. He’d had some time to think and to be honest he was a little bit pissed that Wade didn’t tell him about the kiss. Wade had tried to let him forget. Wade _would have_ let him forget.

            “You were there through the entire thing.” Wade said, flatly. “There’s nothing to talk about. We kissed. Twice.”

            “You wrapped your hand around my cock.”

            “Will be masturbating to that later, thank you.”

            “Wade.” Peter scolded, trying to force himself not to smile. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were sexually attracted to me? And better yet, why didn’t you tell me we _sucked face_ before Conan?”

            “…I suppose this isn’t the best time to excuse myself to get breakfast, but my stomach is protesting the alcohol that I drank, so I’d like to-“

            Wade stood up, walking towards the door. Peter stood immediately. He had been prepared for Wade to try and weasel out of this conversation, but Peter wasn’t going to let him. Wade had done enough of that for the time being, thank you very much.

            Peter’s hand slammed against the hotel wall, his arm blocking Wade’s path. There was fire in his eyes.

            “We can order room service.” He said, blinking up at Wade. “They have chocolate chip pancakes, which I know is your favorite.”

            Wade’s eyes hardened. Peter felt his pulse rising. The tense atmosphere between them was greater than before now, burning even brighter. Peter reached out and grabbed Wade’s hand, trying to make sure that he wasn’t going to run away.

            “And why should we order in, Peter?” He asked, pulling his hand away. He got a little closer and Peter could feel the heat coming off of Wade’s body. The memory of last night came back vividly and Peter couldn’t stop himself from getting hard.

            “Because we need to talk. You didn’t tell me.” Peter said, his eyes burning with a firey passion. He felt vindictive. He felt like he needed this to go further. He needed Wade and he needed him rough. He needed to feel like Wade wanted him. “Since when have we kept secrets from each other?”

            “Do you really wanna know?” Wade asked, darkly. He looked strained, but the words kept tumbling from his mouth. He couldn’t stop himself from saying what needed to be said. There was no way to make this okay, but he could offer an explanation. He could give Peter what he wanted. “Because I don’t think you do.”

            Wade’s voice was low, a kind of growl. His hands came to rest on either side of Peter’s head, his own head tilting. Peter could feel Wade’s breath ghost across his lips, and his mouth began to water. He wanted to kiss Wade so much.

            “I don’t think you know _what_ I want.” Peter growled, tilting his head up in defiance.

            “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t think you’d wanna hear about how badly I wanna _fuck_ you.” Wade said. His eyes were unreadable. Peter didn’t know what Wade was expecting, but it definitely wasn’t the response that he got.

            “Then what are you waiting for?” Peter growled, grabbing Wade’s shirt and pulling him in.

            Their lips met sloppily, and Wade’s body was warm against Peter’s. Peter felt Wade’s hard cock press up against his hip and he moaned into the kiss as he pushed back against Wade, knocking them both onto the bed. It was a clumsy mess of limbs but Wade was grinding up against Peter and Peter was grinding down against Wade and _fuck_ if it wasn’t exactly what Peter had been waiting for.

            He pulled away and a trail of saliva connected their lips. He sat up, straddling Wade as he moved so that his ass was pressed against Wade’s crotch, and his hands moved down to unbutton his pants.

            Wade watched hungrily, propping himself up to look. Peter pulled his cock out, curving seductively upwards. It was red and swollen and a bead of precum shone on the tip. Wade licked his lips, and Peter suddenly knew _exactly_ what to do.

            He scooted forward, his hands coming to rest on Wade’s head. Wade’s hands came up to grip Peter’s hips, and Peter bucked. Suddenly, the tip of his cock was up against Wade’s mouth, sending shivers through him. He opened his mouth, a streak of power making him feel strong.

            “Suck.” He commanded.

            Wade was all too eager to comply. Soon, his lips were stretched around Peter’s cock and his tongue was stroking up and down. Peter threw his head back, his hips jerking in surprise as Wade began to gently _suck_ around his hard cock. Peter’s toes curled, and he let out a broken moan.

            Wade sucked and licked at him like he was a lollipop. Peter was shaking as his cock was slick with spit. Wade’s lips glid over him so easy, like it was what he was _made_ to do. Peter decided that it was his responsibility to tell Wade _just_ that.

            “Fuck, been thinking about this much?” He questioned, hips bucking again. His cock hit the back of Wade’s throat and by some miracle, Wade _moaned_. Peter took in a sharp breath. “Fuck, your mouth is so perfect. Never shut up unless you’re stuffed full of cock, do you?”

            At this, Wade tried to smile. But he quickly found that his mouth was otherwise occupied. He rewarded Peter’s dirty talk instead with a solid moan, and Peter’s hips thrust forward again.

            This time, Wade was ready. Peter’s cock slid down his throat, filling him up. The pressure around Peter’s head increased and he twitched in Wade’s mouth as he moaned.

            “Fuck, gonna let me fuck your mouth? You’re such a whore.” Peter purred. They had been friends long enough that Peter knew most of Wade’s kinks, and dirty talk was one that they adamantly shared.

            Peter thrust his hips forward again and again, his cock sliding easily down Wade’s throat as Wade took him with ease. Wade was perfectly content to let his body go pliant and let his mouth be fucked, and Peter was more than happy to do said fucking.

            The fire burning inside him roared just a little too high and he pulled his cock out of Wade’s mouth completely. Wade’s tongue immediately chased after it, licking up the bottom. Peter watched himself give a heavy twitch and he had to repress the urge to cum, wanting to save that for the main event. Wade said he wanted to fuck? They were gonna fuck.

            “I’m not cumming on your face right now.” He said, pulling back so that Wade’s traitorous tongue couldn’t touch his sensitive cock any more. He was on the edge of orgasm now and anything else would send him tumbling over. “You said you want to fuck. Take off your pants if the offer still stands.”

            Peter climbed off of Wade then, standing and watching expectantly.

            Wade’s eyes widened and he grinned he’d just won the lottery before standing and slipping his pants off in one of the fastest moves Peter had seen. Wade’s cock, hard and already leaking, stood proud and at attention. Peter’s mouth watered at the sight.

            “So,” Wade said, throwing himself back onto the bed. “Lube is in my backpack. I intended to fuck myself anyways. You gonna top? You’re acting like you wanna top.”

            “I’m gonna top.” Peter confirmed, walking over to Wade’s backpack and unzipping the pouch where he knew Wade kept his lube. Really, they knew too much about each other.

            “Fuck yes!” Wade declared, fisting the air. (But not in a sexual way, the air and him were just friends).

            Peter made his way back over to the bed, crawling over to Wade and sitting up. Wade’s legs spread easily, allowing Peter in between them. Peter slathered lube onto his fingers and reached down, finding Wade’s entrance. Wade lifted his legs to help, his cock curving up, red and swollen.

            Peter slipped his fingers inside Wade, knowing that Wade was used to girth and (frankly) a little impatient. Wade made no complaint as Peter curled his fingers, massaging his insides until he was panting and loose, his cock twitching and heavy.

            Peter’s other hand wrapped around the base of Wade’s cock. Wade gave a long moan, arching into the touch before falling back onto the bed hard. Peter clamped his hand around the base to keep Wade from cumming as he finally located his prostate and began to rub, making a glob of precum come out of Wade’s tip.

            “Fuck, Peter.” Wade groaned. The sound went straight to Peter’s cock and he knew he wanted to be inside Wade _right the fuck now_. He pulled out his fingers and Wade gave a needy whine, arching into the hand Peter still had clamped around his cock.

            “Patience.” Peter said, grabbing the lube. He drizzled some directly onto his cock before wrapping a fist around it and slathering it on, making sure this would be a good and wet ride for Wade. The last thing Peter wanted was to hurt his friend.

            “Don’t worry.” Wade teased. “It’s water-based. Super good for the-“

            He cut off his normal rambling as Peter lined up, one hand still wrapped around Wade while the other hand propped up his leg. Peter thrust his hips forward slowly, eyes glued to Wade’s blissed out expression as he bottomed out, fully inside the tight heat of Wade.

            “F-fuck.” Peter said, pumping Wade’s cock a few times while he let Wade adjust. This had the opposite effect than Peter wanted, as Wade immediately tightened around him like a vice. He groaned at the pressure around his cock, panting in pleasure.

            “Fuck me, please.” Wade begged, throwing his head back. Peter released Wade’s leg, allowing it to fall. Wade did exactly what he wanted without being told and his legs wrapped around Peter’s hips, allowing Peter to surge forward and hungrily connect their lips.

            He began his thrusts slow but hard, loving the way Wade’s body just took him in. Wade’s hardened cock was brushing against his stomach as he thrusted, hard and heavy and fuck, Peter loved it. The effect he had on Wade was going to his head. He felt fucking powerful as Wade began to moan and grunt, little noises at the end of every thrust.

            Wade broke away from their kiss, bearing his neck. Peter’s lips dropped down to the soft skin, nipping and licking until he found a nice place to suck. Wade was still fucking tight around his cock, and he couldn’t help but let the fire in his stomach bubble up. He sped up, hoping that an increase in speed would help everything to feel less sensitive.

            It was a good thing Wade looked about ready to explode, because Peter hadn’t gotten laid in a while and already his thoughts were cloudy and his skin was prickling with heat. Wade’s muscles were clenching around him and the _noises_ Wade was making, begging him to go _harder faster, don’t stop you bastard, fuck_.

            “You’re so perfect.” Peter purred, pounding into him. His hand was moving on Wade’s cock now, and from the noises Wade was making he was certain that Wade was holding back his orgasm.

            “Fuck, wanted this for so long.” Wade groaned, his nails scratching down Peter’s back. Peter was gritting his teeth now, his cock was so sensitive inside of Wade and he needed to cum so bad.

            “Please cum Wade.” Peter begged, pressing their lips together in a sloppy kiss. “Not gonna last much longer, cum for me.”

            With that, Wade came. The tightening around his cock pushed Peter over the edge and Peter came hard, his entire body thrumming with pleasure as he pounded in and out of Wade faster and faster, Wade’s body slowly becoming limp as he came down from his own orgasm.

            Peter slowed, his cock too sensitive to continue. He began to soften and slipped out of Wade, collapsing into the bed beside him. He shut his eyes, drowsy after the rigorous fucking.

            “So.” Wade said, softly. “Years of sexual tension were just brought to fruition. How do you feel, Peter Parker?”

            “I feel sleepy.” He said. He wanted to roll over and wrap an arm around Wade, but he didn’t know whether or not he should. He was hit with the cold reality that this was what their relationship was now; uncertainty. Whatever was happening, something had just changed forever and his chest tightened in discomfort.

            “I guess this is a good time to ask the big question.” Wade said, looking down at his feet. Peter felt panic seize him. No, now was _not_ a good time, he didn’t know what was happening and he didn’t understand what this meant. “What are we?”

            “I-I don’t know.” He said, panic seizing his chest. “You’re my friend, Wade. I don’t want that to change.”

            “You don’t-.” Wade cut off, blinking. Peter could feel the tension rise again.

            He didn’t want things to be awkward. Ever since that damn first kiss Peter knew they had been dancing around each other, changing their behavioral patterns, making them tense. It added an energy between them that Peter didn’t like. He didn’t want that to become permanent. He just wanted their old easiness back.

            And if they did go out and one of them fucked up and they broke up, things would never be the same. Peter didn’t want to take that risk with his best friend in the world. He didn’t trust himself not to ruin everything.

            Did he want this? Did he want _Wade_ , romantically and physically, in every fucking way he could have him? Yes. But not if it changed everything, not if-

            “Oh, I see.” Wade said, standing up. Peter sat up, the sleepy bliss of orgasm completely chased away by the tension of the situation. “So I’m good enough to fuck, but you’re not interested in anything long term.”

            “Wade, no! It’s not that at all.” Peter defended, getting out of bed. But it was too late. Wade was already slipping on his clothes, grabbing his things and tossing them back at his suitcase.

            Wade turned, sharply. “Oh, it isn’t? Then tell me, Peter. Do you want to be my boyfriend, or not?”

            Peter felt his entire body seize up. His stomach felt sick, and his muscles were shaking. He couldn’t decide this now, he couldn’t make up his mind. He wanted Wade, but the risk. The risk was all he could think about.

            Finally, after what felt like years of solid silence, it came out in a whisper. “I don’t know.”

            “You’ve got some fucking nerve. Initiating sex like this. You _know_ I don’t do casual.” Wade says. “Then again, maybe you don’t. I certainly thought that I knew _you_ better.”

            Peter hardened. Tears leaked out of his eyes.

            “You know what? Fuck you.” He said, throwing himself back onto the bed. “You’re the one who didn’t even tell me we’d kissed. I haven’t thought about this _nearly_ as much as you have.”

            “Well then I’ll just leave you some time to think. Get back to me when you’re ready to give me a real answer.” Wade said. He zipped his bag up in a grand gesture, all of his things sealed away inside. He marched to the door, slipping out and slamming it as he went. Peter knew that he wouldn’t be back.

            Peter felt his heart leave with him.

            He lay back on the bed and huffed, the numbness and sadness and confusion creeping in. Wade _was_ everything that Peter wanted, couldn’t he see that? Couldn’t he understand why they shouldn’t risk this? One stupid move, just like _this one_ , could lose it all.

            But at the same time, could they ever be _just friends_ again?

~~~

            Wade didn’t respond to any of Peter’s calls. Or his texts. He didn’t show up to work on Monday, or any of the days after that.

            Peter hadn’t realized just how in love he’d been until Wade was gone.


	13. XIII

XIII.

            The next time aunt May called, there was concern in her voice. “Peter, we’ve not spoken in two weeks. Is something wrong?”

            Peter, sitting in his too-big bed surrounded by a mountain of tissues, felt tears well up in his eyes again. His hair and apartment were both a wreck, his sense of humor had been sub-par, and he could barely force himself out of bed in the mornings. He was having some serious Wade withdraws.

            “Aunt May.” He croaked, patting his eyes dry. “I think I made a really big mistake.”

            “Oh, honey.” She said, her voice full of sympathy. “Tell me what happened.”

            After pouring his heart out to his aunt, (he told her _everything_. Like, everything everything. Which was super awkward, but he knew aunt May wouldn’t judge him and she needed to understand the situation in full. Aunt May gave the best advice) he sat there as the silence stretched on.

            “Peter,” Aunt May said, slowly. “Are you really in love with him?”

            “Yes.” He said, immediately. There was no doubt in his mind that he was in love with Wade Wilson. The last two weeks without him had been hell. Peter felt like a part of himself had been ripped out and stomped on. “Absolutely. Beyond a shadow of a doubt.”

            “Is he worth the risk?” She questioned. Peter paused.

            “What do you mean by that?”

            “All meaningful love comes with a risk.” She said, her voice wistful. “Every person who has ever lent their heart to another has been trusting them not to break it. If something goes wrong, both people could end up shattered. If there is no trust, then there is no relationship. And people don’t always get hurt on purpose. Is loving him worth taking the risk of getting hurt?”

            Peter thought. Finally, he knew what he had to say to her. “I’m afraid of losing him.”

            “So afraid you’re willing to let the opportunity pass? Peter, I know you better than that.” She scorned. “If you really love this man and you let the opportunity for a _meaningful_ romantic relationship pass you by, you’ll beat yourself up for the rest of your life.”

            Peter sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. He was so fucking stupid. “You’re right.”

            “That a boy.” Aunt May praised. Peter could hear the smile in her voice, and he couldn’t help but feel his lip twitch upwards in response. “Now go get him.”

            “But how?” Peter asked, his dread returning. “He won’t talk to me.”

            “Then I guess you’ll have to give him something that he can’t ignore.”

~~~

            Peter stormed into the writing room the next morning. “I know how we’re getting Wade back.”

~~~

            Peter was beyond nervous. This was his job he was talking about. If the producers didn’t like this, then they could fire him and he’d likely have to take up a regular-person job, like bagging groceries or cleaning windows. Peter didn’t want to go back to being an average joe.

            (Then again, he did have alternative routes. Youtube, for one. Gay porn, another).

            Negasonic adjusted his mic, looking up at him through her thick lashes. The crew were running around back and forth, all of them making their final adjustments.

            “For what it’s worth,” She said, ruffling his collar, “I think you’re doing the right thing. Wade’ll lose his job if he doesn’t get his ass back here soon, and this is probably the only way to get the lugnut to pay attention to anything for more than thirty seconds.”

            “I miss him too.” Peter responded. Negasonic rolled her eyes and pulled away, but he saw the look on her face. She wanted Wade back as much as any of them. It was hard in the writing room without him. He made everything so much livelier.

            Suddenly, the lights were dimmed and everyone was in their places. Peter looked at the camera and a hush fell over the crowd. He smiled as the ‘ON AIR’ sign flashed green.

            “Hey everyone!” He announced, getting started with the show.

            They finished their regular segment exactly three minutes earlier than planned, which was exactly what Peter wanted. He looked up to Negasonic, who flashed him a thumbs up. He took in a deep breath to gather his strength.

            “And tonight we want to conclude with something a little bit different.” He announced, sitting back. This had never been rehearsed on the floor before. He could see Jameson in the audience looking like he’d just swallowed an apple whole and it was caught in his throat. This was off-script; he had no idea what was coming next.

            “Since the dawn of time, man has had trouble with change. Take Galileo, for example. He proposed that the sun orbited the earth. To which the Catholic church responded, ‘hey, why don’t we take everything you love’. We see it today with people resisting racial equality, and with the fear-mongering surrounding LGBT issues.

            “But sometimes, change is more personal than that. And people are just as afraid of personal change as they are of change on a bigger scale. Like switching to ordering peperoni on pizza instead of sausage. No, that was not a dick metaphor, you perverts.” He paused for a little laugh.

            “But sometimes it’s with bigger things, things we really shouldn’t go into with fear. Like falling in love with your best friend. The potential rewards outweigh the risk, and I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner.”

            Peter looked deep into the camera. Thirty seconds left, and he was about to make the biggest declaration of his life on public television. No pressure.

            “Wade, I’m sorry. We want you back on the show, and I want you back. As a friend… And as more. Wade, please come back to the writing room. And please, for the love of all that is good and holy…

            “Be my boyfriend.”

            The crowd roared. Jameson fainted. Peter felt like he was close to doing the same.

~~~

            Peter didn’t even make it out of the building.

            “-One of the highest rated shows in history. There are already more than forty news outlets covering this—Peter, are you listening?” Sam asked, pointing to his phone. “Management is gonna skin our asses but it sure was a good move.”

            Peter stared off into the distance. His nerves had only increased since the incident, and he didn’t want to listen.

            Wade hadn’t texted him.

            Peter would have expected Wade to text or call right away.

            He turned away, looking down the hallway. All the crew were mingling, roaming around and drinking toasts in celebration. “Sorry, Sam. I’m a little distracted.”

            “You need to get it together, dude.” Sam said. “He’ll come when he-“

            But Peter had stopped listening entirely. He focused in on the man parting the crowd, a hoodie pulled over his face. He knew those broad shoulders anywhere. “Is that…?”

            But he answered his own question. He took off in a run, moving as fast as he could through the bodies. Wade looked down at him for just a moment, and suddenly, Peter was wrapped in strong arms. Tears of happiness welled in his eyes.

            “I’m so fucking sorry.” He said.

            Wade responded by grabbing his chin and leaning in, pressing their lips together. Peter felt himself melt under the simple touch, under the careful attention of Wade. He gave a groan, leaning in and wrapping his arms around Wade’s shoulders.

            They broke apart, panting.

            Peter looked up into Wade’s blue eyes and he felt himself melt a little. Wade looked sorry, too. It was a nice change from the anger that Peter had last seen.

            “It was just as much my fault.” Wade said, honestly. “I shouldn’t have gotten so pissed. You were confused. I dumped that onto you and expected you to have an answer right away.”

            “We both fucked up a little.” Peter said, burying his face in Wade’s chest. “But I think things will turn out okay.”

            Peter pulled away, drunk off of Wade’s scent.

            Jameson walked by, holding a coldpack to his head. Wade’s eyes lit up mischeviously as he leaned out of their embrace.

            “Hey, bossman!” Wade shouted. “Can I have my job back?”

~~~

            That night, Wade lay beside Peter. They were both naked, sweaty, and exhausted. It had been so fucking good to touch and hold, and they were both guilty of taking their dear, sweet time with each other. Three rounds later, they were both more than ready to rest.

            But Peter couldn’t sleep. Not quite yet. He needed to soak in more of Wade, needed to live in this moment.

            He took a deep breath, savoring this moment.

            For the first time in a long time, his bed didn’t feel empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is just the credits, this is the end  
> A credits chapter  
> In a marvel fic  
> Don't look that much into it (look into it)


	14. Credits

**Credits**

**Written by** : Wait, who am I? What a complex question with multiple answers. Am I my flesh vessel? Am I the things I’ve done, or the things I will do? Am I both? What is existence? Do I exist because I create, and therefore my existence is validated by others? Will anyone actually read this bullshit existentialism???

 **Art by** : [glithch]

 **Read by** : Your name here, buckaroo. Congrats. You read garbage. (Please comment).

 **Beta’d By** : My boyfriend

&

The void I consistently whispered the plot into.

 **Angst Director** : My skewed moral compass insisting that it is okay for me to allow my readers to suffer through several chapters.

 **Fluff Specialist** : My heart, who powered through it despite being consistently hit over the head by the angst director. For shame.

 **Sponsored by** : The Spideypool big bang

&

Spring Break, without which I would have never had the energy to actually write something this long for a Big Bang.

&

Of course, you, the readers. Thank you.

XIV

Two Years Later

            “I’m really glad that we did this again.” Peter commented, looking up at the bright lights. The sun had set and they were out in front of the castle. He’d gotten a little crispy again, courtesy of Wade being a teasing asshole. They had ended up making out instead of putting on sunblock.

            Wade paused from where he was halfway to shoving an entire funnel cake in his mouth. His cheeks stuck out at odd angles and Peter saw tears in his eyes from the cake hitting his gag reflex.

            “Jesus Christ, can we not have one serious moment?” Peter questioned. “If you choke, I’m letting you die.”

            Wade mumbled something that was _definitely_ supposed to be ‘that’s not what you said last night, you said you WANTED me to choke’ but Peter promptly ignored it in favor of waiting for the end of the night fireworks. They had been up from dusk till dawn today exploring everything in Disney, the global food attractions and the rides and the characters.

            Wade had insisted that they go on the Pirates of the Caribbean ride twice. Peter was helpless to refuse.

            It had been two years since their vacation had been ruined by fighting and bickering and misunderstandings. Peter’s ratings had, since then, skyrocketed to make him one of the top ten late-night hosts on the air. He’d gotten recognized four times today, and multiple fans had taken pictures with him.

            Him and Wade would still ocassionally tweet their favorite fanfictions and fanarts of the two of them, and he felt like they really had a good connection with the fans.

            In terms of his connection with Wade, well…

            Peter wanted to spend the rest of his life with Wade. Even if he did do stupid things like ask ‘do you dare me to eat half this funnel cake in one bite’, to which Peter responded, ‘No, you idiot’, and then Wade responded with ‘I can’t believe you’re daring me to do this’ and actually did it. Yup, this was the idiot that Peter was in love with.

            But honestly, he wouldn’t have it any other way.

            Wade finally swallowed the funnel cake bite he’d taken, and his hand had come to rest on Peter’s hip softly. Peter leaned his head up against Wade’s shoulder, and if he listened hard enough, he could hear Wade’s heart beat. Peter felt like their heartbeats were in synch.

            All he needed to do to make this night perfect was to figure out how to ignore his anxiety over the fact that he had been invited to host SNL a month from now, and Wade had forced him to accept.

            But he couldn’t be all that angry about that. He’d wanted to host SNL ever since he was a little boy. Several dreams had come true for him, recently.

            Wade pulled away from Peter’s shoulder as the fireworks started up. Peter turned to look at him, perplexed. Ever since they had moved in together a year and a half ago, casual affection was never something Wade turned down.

            Wade dropped to one knee and reached into his pocket. Peter’s heart hammered against his chest as he stared down at the little box that Wade produced. He opened it up to reveal an ornate, spidery-silver antique ring. Peter stared at him and Wade’s eyes glossed over in affection.

            “So, how do you feel about turning this romantic comedy into a sitcom?” He questioned. Peter felt tears fill his eyes as he pushed down his urge to smack Wade for proposing with that cheesy line. “Marry me?”

            “Yes, you fucking idiot.” Peter spit. He reached down and pulled Wade up as fast and as hard as he could, crushing Wade to his chest as his heart threatened to explode with happiness.

            “Manhandling, Petey.” Wade warned, softly, in his ear. “Save that for the bedroom. I like it a little too much for public.”

            Peter let his grip soften, but still held Wade close. He smiled and looked up into Wade’s blue blue eyes, letting himself get lost in the sea of the love that he felt for his partner.

            The fireworks went off behind them, a perfect representation of what Peter’s heart felt like right now.


End file.
